Tag: Troubled Teens

America, Life, Motivation, Parenting And Relationships, Religion

Bow To Greatness

Anthony Dixon

 

 

Jesus the Beggar

 

Bow to Greatness

If there is anything in Life that I want the most, is to Die gracefully. Sitting up in my Bed comfortable and clean, free of pain grief and Guilt, with a Sifter of my Best Brandy in Hand. Knowing that I have lived this Life in a Fashion that Jesus would have no shame or misgivings about the way I have traveled my Journey. I am not the most Devout of Christians, I don’t go to Church every Sunday and I have deviated the Path many Times. However I have never lost my way or trampled on the Ten Commandments. If all the Biblical teachings are not all just Sculptured Words, meant to shape Consciousness and Behavior, then they do have Body and Weight. For instance, Sins of The Father, The Next Life and Losing my Soul.

Spirituality comes from God, Religion is Manmade and is Susceptible to Corruption and being self-serving. Jesus said that there are many who would profess his Name. Putting your Hand on the Bible and taking an Oath of pure Consciousness, yet your Heart is tarnished with Deceit, makes you a Hypocrite, whose Hand should burn from touching the Bible. At the early age of Fourteen I learned that Honor Nobility and Mortality were only Sculptured Words with no meaning. My Best Friend who came from a Religious Family who went to a Catholic School was totally Disillusioned with Religion and Society, at Twelve years old. He said Pope ( the name he called me) the World is a bad Place. He continued if these Walls could talk they would scream with shame.

He was referring to the Rectory Building that we sat behind, smoking Marijuana with strains so powerful, One hit and we were stoned. Twelve years old and Fourteen years old and we needed to calm our nerves with Cannabis. He told me Stories of young Boys being Emasculated in the Building we sat behind. I decried him and told him that he was playing with my Head. Thirty years later the same Stories he told made Headlines, brought Prosecutions, Lawsuits and Resignations of Clergymen high up in the Hierarchy. Do you still wonder why Two Kids with strong Religious upbringing would seek refuge in Cannabis to cope with Corruption in the Church, Corruption in Government and a Society that had let us down by Casting a Blind Eye.

Letting wrong doers know that they are protected by indifference, the lack of Benevolence and Jurisprudence is a Horrible message for your Children. In retrospect I am amazed that we didn’t commit Suicide from what we knew was going on, yet unable to help the victims. Suicide among Kids is an awful reflection on Society. If we told our Parents with their Tunnel Vision, they would have us laying on a Couch telling a Shrink that we didn’t Hate our Parents. They would have us Kneeling, begging for Repentance. Junior told me that the Victims were told, if you tell anyone, God would punish you. Fifty years Later I learned that The Boys Club of America is Equally Guilty.

Fifty Three years later of living in a Shameless Society that lets wrongdoers skate. I now realize that I am only responsible for my Soul and my Conscience. The Headbanger Heavy Metal Group screams ” Save yourself cause I can’t even save myself ” The Singer Songwriter puts it like this, ” I don’t care what you do, I wouldn’t want to be like you”. That is why all the Mendacity that is going on Today don’t phase me. The Phrase He’ll on Earth, that’s when your Conscience attack you like a Burning Hemorrhoid. When I sit-up in Bed waiting to draw my last Breath, there will be no Hemorrhoid of Conscience. Only the Joy of Knowing that I was here. I was a late pregnancy who dodged the Bullet of being Aborted.I see my Ethereal presence looking down, laughing at those who never figured out the Secret of living this Wonderful thing we call Life.

The Secret is living your Life in a Childlike Wonder in this Garden called Earth. When I am Sixty Miles out in the Gulf and I can’t see the Shores, now I realize how insignificant my Life is, only Equivalent to a Grain of Sand on the Distant Shores. Like R.E.M. said ” Life is bigger than you or I “, ” That’s me in the Corner”. I will never lose my Religion, though a Sinner,  my Heart is Pure. People makes the World go round and will always be who they are. I share with you my Original Life’s Quote ” if you have lived long enough to grow Old and there is nothing you have to Offer to the next Generation, in Teaching and Learning, you have not truly lived, only existed. Sometimes I think that the Only reason I write Blogs, is to Vent my Frustrations, which keeps me from Drinking up all my Good Brandy. Parting Words, we are Guilty by Thoughts, Deeds and Actions, or inaction.

Words borrowed from the Emperor Haile Selassie

Today, we look to the future calmly, confidently, and courageously. We look to the vision of America not merely free but united. In facing this new challenge, we can take comfort and encouragement from the lessons of the past. We know that there are differences among us. Americans enjoy different cultures, distinctive values, special attributes. But we also know that unity can be and has been attained among men of the most disparate origins, that differences of race, of religion, of culture, of tradition, are no insuperable obstacles to the coming together of peoples. History teaches us that unity is strength.

America, Life, Motivation

Die By The Gun

Anthony Dixon

 

 

 

Die By the Gun

When I started writing Blogs, one of my Primary Objective was to tell young Juvenile Delinquents not to be like I was. If you have pent up Anger, lose it before it destroys you. One young Delinquent who visited my Website is Emanuel Donaldson the 3rd. He is awaiting Trial for four random Murders in my Area. I certainly hope he Shared the Link among the Population. My Wife calls me Repetitious, but if they are reading my Blogs in Prison, then Success is mine.

From eight years old to fourteen years old I was someone consumed with Repressed Anger, Hate and Violence. The reason for that was from being Abused three times in six years. Once by an older Cousin, once by a Church Brother and once by a Teacher. They all caused me tremendous Pain which almost made me Impervious to Pain. At twelve years old playing Soccer in the Schoolyard, an eighteen years old Biker Boy joined the Game. He had an Injured Foot and shouldn’t be in the Game playing with twelve years old Children. I accidentally stepped on his bad Foot, causing him great Pain. He retaliated by punching me in the Solar plexus with all his might sending me to the Ground sucking in Dirt trying to breathe. When I recovered I left the Game ran Home and returned with an eighteen inch Chef’s Knife.

He escaped Death by running into his House and slamming the Door. That was my fourth Abuse, I was bent on Revenge. I knew that he had to pass my House every Night to get Home. One Night I devised the perfect Murder, being skilled with Ropes and Knotts, I strung a Rope across the narrow Lane that was my Street. Like all Bikers he rode too fast, when his Neck found the Rope, it yanked him from the shiny Harley which crashed and Burned. The Clothes Line was tied to the Fence in a slip-Knot, I yanked on it releasing it, removing it and disappearing in the Night. He survived only to wear a Neck brace for nine Months. I was as Devious as they come, I would walk up to him and like a Hippocrate  asked him how he was doing, with great concern.

Today I work in a Justice System where a twelve years old Boy is awaiting Trial for Stabbing his Grandmother to Death. If I was on the Jury, I would concentrate on Extenuating Circumstances, what brought him to the Edge of Madness. Backing up to being fourteen with Repressed Anger, a sixteen years Thug was beating me senseless in the back of the Schoolyard. He was a Skilled Street Fighter who only used his Elbows, Knees and Head-But his Victims. I was just about to beg for Mercy when I found a Large Stick and unleashed six years of Repressed Anger on him. I Mannered that Boy up, he Whimpered and limped out of the Schoolyard. Feeling good about my Victory changed, when I learned that his two older Brothers eighteen and nineteen, were Gang Members with multiple Murders under thei’r Belts.

Revenge for beating thei’r Kid Brother Senseless was Inevitable. These Boys were Fearless, they thought their names were Frank and Jesse. One weekend there was a Gang Bangers Boogie in a close by Neighborhood. The two Brazen Gunmen Infiltrated The  Rival Turf. They were met by a Firing Squad, the Bullets in thei’r Bodies couldn’t all be counted. A couple of Days later thei’r Caskets were placed on thei’r front Lawn for those who cared to pay their Respect. Brazen me decided to show my Disrespect by showing up and opened the closed Caskets. Looking at thei’r unrecognizable Dimpled Faces, cured my Violent Nature for the rest of my Life. Never again did I wanted to be a Badass, never again did I wanted to own a Gun.

The Lesson I learned at Fourteen was that if you lived by the Gun, the Outcomes are Inevitable. Still fourteen years old, one Day I had a front Row Seat to witness how a true Professional Discharges his Duties. One of my next Door Neighbors had developed Mental Illnesses. Nassiboo had attacked his Father with a Machete leaving him at Death’s Door. He Terrorized the Neighborhood including me, sneaking up on me With the same Machete. When the Detective came to bring him in, it was a Celebration for me. The Officer stood on the two foot Brick Wall and Announced himself to Nassiboo and told him that he was there to Arrest him. The poor Demented Man charged the Officer with the same Machete he tried to Behead his Father with.

There were five other Officers there, the Lead Detective was the only one who fired his Weapon, one Merciful shot to the Groin. The Ambulance took forever to come, Nassiboo didn’t make it. Which brings us to the Motivation for this Blog. Fifty three years later and Law Enforcement haven’t been able to train their Officers to be as Proficient as this one Detective. Several years ago in the  Bronx, several Officers approached a Mentally Disturbed Black Man with a Knife in the Hallway of a Building. They all discharged thei’r Weapons like a Firing Squad, killing someone who should have been Tased. Those Occurrences happens Everyday in this Country. Marybeth Harshbarger shot and killed her Husband at fifty Yards, claiming it was an Accident. Mark once Bragged to me that she has hit Bullseye at one Thousand Yards.

Accident or Murder? You be the Judge. My Question is why don’t the Law Enforcement Agencies in this Country train their Officers to be as good as Marybeth. The Officers who Killed Breonna Taylor were at least Inept and Negligent. Once the first shot was fired the Situation should have become a Stand-off, they didn’t know if there were young Children in that Apartment. For that reason I believe that they should stand Trial for Negligent Homicide. Casting a Blind Eye and a Deaf Ear is Complicity. To you out there Protesting, the Pen is Mightier than the Gun, don’t Burn the Country Down, this is where I live. With all its Faults, America is still a Great Place to Live. Stand in the Place where you Live. Your Votes are more Powerful than all the Bullets in a Gatling Gun. God I Love this Writing Business, telling young People how not to live their Lives. It’s a darn shame I couldn’t see what my English Literature Teacher saw. Instead I chose to Party away my Learning years smoking the finest Strains grown around the World, listening to  Grateful Dead, The Who and Pink Floyd talking about being Comfortable Numb ” You can take the Words right from my Mouth”.

P.S. Baby Boy is all Grown Up, that’s how come a Juvenile Delinquent like me can end up working in a Justice System, instead of being in the System. My Message to you Wannabes is that no Good Deed goes unpunished.

Life, Parenting And Relationships, Religion

R.I.P. Baby Jordan

Anthony Dixon

 

RIP Baby Jordan

My Mother once told me that when I was four years old I was the most loving and trusting Child, for that reason she feared for my safety. She said that she always thought that someone would have no trouble Kidnapping me. Jordan was of my young Heart and Nature, however he didn’t have a loving caring Mother like I had. Story told that when I was two years old the Painter walked away from his Paintbrushes soaking in Turpentine, yours truly removed the Brushes and Quenched my thirst with the Toxic Liquids. They told me that in a panic strickened frenzy Mom threw me over her Shoulder and tried to run seven Miles to the Hospital. Poor Jordan wasn’t lucky to have my luck. He was Born to two Players with Hearts of Stone.

Jordan and Mom
Baby Jordan and killer Mom

At four years old his parents had enough of each other and Jordan. The poor Kid ended up in a Foster Home, which was a stroke of luck for him. His Foster Parents loved him with the capacity that his Natural Birth Mom was incapable of loving anyone or anything but her miserable self. About two years ago I wrote a Blog about how Child Welfare agencies across America fails the most Vulnerable of our Society, Children in Parent Danger. Not Stranger Danger as was my Case. This is my biggest Beef with Education, how can one be Educated and remain a Dummy with Zero Common Sense, why can’t Education teach us to use Rationality and awake our Figurative Thinking. That didn’t happen with Jordan’s Caseworker.

The Idiot thought that he belonged with his Mother, a Player. Even though the Foster Parents Exhibited the highest Qualifications to Adopt the Loving Child. Jordan grew to love his Foster Parents the way I Loved Strangers at four years old. The Inept Caseworker however threw all Rationality out the Window and sent Jordan back to his unstable Mother. In the Middle of a Ferocious break-up the Child constantly cried from the Parents steady Annihilation of each other in front of him. The Evil Witch one Day slammed this Precious Child against the Wall, knocking him unconscious. Instead of trying to revive him and calling 911, she stuffed his lifeless Body in a Big Black Bag and Dumped him in a Remote area of the nearby Park where I frequented when I lived in the Neighborhood in earlier years.

Adding insult to the Brutality, she reported him missing, having two square Miles of Neighbors Panic strickened looking for poor Jordan. Eventually the Black Bag was found, she was Immediately Arrested and charged with his Murder. While awaiting Trial she gave Birth to another Child that she was carrying when she Killed Jordan, did I mention Player. Today October Thirteen Twenty Twenty Justice Rewarded her with Fifty years behind Bars. Where have I heard the Words ” Many will Profess my Name” , the Evil Woman told the Court that she have found Redemption and will walk with her Head High from now on. Dear Lord forgive me for not Buying it, I know that you said that no Man is without Redemption, but for poor Jordan I going to harden my Heart. As the Song goes ” Save yourself, cause I can’t even save myself”. So there you have it the Story of Baby Jordan, incidentally his Sacrifice wasn’t in Vain, a Law was passed in his Name Protecting the most Vulnerable ones.

Child Welfare; Citing this act as “Jordan’s Law”; requiring the Florida Court Educational Council to establish certain standards for instruction of circuit and county court judges for dependency cases; requiring the Department of Law Enforcement to provide certain information to law enforcement officers relating to …

Flsenate.gov › Bill › ByVersion

Senate Bill 634 (2019) – The Florida Senate

Life, Parenting And Relationships

Mother And Son Reunion

Anthony Dixon

Talking To my Mom

I guess I have Blown the Window of Opportunity  to say the things to you that I should have said in Life. Nevertheless just to let you know that it will never be the same  without you. I can go on with my Life , but I will forever be Grateful for the Life you gave. Remembering the many times you jumped into Action like a Super Woman to save the Life you gave, once thinking that you could run seven miles to the E.R. with a four year old on your Shoulder. Carrying me to the point of making my first Buck, being twelve and a sneak Thief, throwing small change at you, That was to let you know that there was nothing I wouldn’t do to shoulder your Discomfort.

When you Discovered me, you gave no Shame, only Counseling. These are just some of my Shortcomings that were never Discussed in Life. Just to let you know that I deeply Regret not Talking to you. Many People babble Words yet they don’t Talk, some Speak Eloquently yet say Nothing. There are People you can Talk to about anything, you are one of those. Living in the Bronx at Fourteen we had the Greatest Conversation we ever had. You found one Ounce of Weed in my Clothes and flushed it in the Toilet. While I searched the House frantically you kept asking me what was I looking for. The Composure and the Diplomacy you presented left a lasting Lesson for the rest of my Life.

You have my Respect for Life. You didn’t go off the Deep End and try to Crippled me like you did when  coming Home five A.M. Shit-faced at sixteen. Thanks for every Hit you gave me for Dragging myself up instead of Raising myself Up. I chose to be a Deviant, instead of Rising to your Expectations. How Deserving of me to have a strong Willed Woman for a Mother. One that would give sweet Love as well as Tuff Love. One who could defend herself if I ever got the Notion. For all the Love and Respect the only Hand of mine would only be a Comforting Touch. How come we can’t and won’t say the things that really matters to each other in Life . Now you are gone and you never Heard the Words of Tears. As a Result of you Teaching me how to Talk, with my Heart, from the Heart, I am able to Compose this Dialogue.

I consider myself Fortunate for Knowing you. I Remembered when J.F.K. and M.L.K Died you Cried. Fifty years later I now Discover what those Tears ment. You saw their Vision. You told me that they may never Accept me but they will Respect you for the Job you do. Those Words have kept Food in my Stomach two New Cars in the Yard good Health Insurance and many other Trimmings. You didn’t Preach, you Teached. How fortunate could I have been, to be Homeschooled as well as Public, as well as in Life. You are a Beacon in this Storm called Life. You Thought me that a Man can Prosper by the Sweat of his Brow and be Loved by giving it. I ask your Forgiveness for not doing what you wanted of me at sixteen, be a Scholar.

They say that when you are getting ready to Die you come Full Circle with Life. I hope I am not getting ready to make the the big move. Having this Bly ( To give one a chance or to ignore/overlook something) is as Full Circle as it gets for me, Talking to my Celestial Mom. Anyway Mom I am a Blogger, they need to know that one should connect with the one they Love in Life, not after they are gone. Like Richie Heaven said “Old Friends what a Time it was , I have some Photographs”. Pattie Labelle bring Tears with you are my Friend. Niel Young said ” Old Man take a look at your Life, I am a lot like you were”. You Thought me the Importance of Music and Poetry. I know that she is Reading this while I write. She was such a great Listener. You could Talk for a half Hour, she would listen not saying a word then walk away. Penny for your Thoughts, you couldn’t pay anything for her Silence. I envied her for being so Poised. Interacting with each other takes great Communication, not just Talking but Listening and Feeling. Do you Feel Me? Make good use of good things while you still got them. Shower them with Love and Understanding while you still got them. Forget about correctness, I am Talking, saying things that should have been said. Because when Life have Ceased, Words have no Weight. Regardless, I love you Mom.

Lyrics

You are my friend,

I never knew it till then

My friend, my friend

You hold my hand,

You might not say a word

But I see your tears when I show my pain

You’re my, my friend

I never knew it till then

My friend

I feel your love,

When you’re not near

It helps me make it knowing you care

The thought of you helps me carry on

When I feel all hope is gone

I see the world with brand new eyes

Your love has made me realize

My future looks bright to me,

Oh because you are my friend

You are my friend

I’ve been looking around and you were here all the time

I’ve been around and around and around and around

I’ve been looking around and you were here all the time

You know what I’ve been doing

I’ve been looking [Repeat: x7]

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Marty Paich / Glen Campbell / Traditional

You Are My Friend lyrics © Spirit Music Group, BMG Rights Management, Songtrust Ave

P.S I tell my Wife I love her so much she hears a Broken Record.

Life, Parenting And Relationships

To Honor And Love

Anthony Dixon

 

 

Usually I like to post one Blog a Week but I am presently engaged in a Project that takes all my time. So I have to rely on older Blogs buried in my Website, here is one that I have always been fond of.

 

To Honor And Love 

No one can help me from myself, at Birth I began, bud into Infant and grow into Adolescent. This is where my trouble begins,I know plenty but not enough to choose the right Paths, unless shown by Parents, Friends and Peer pressure. I Rebel and reject my Parents ideas, suggestions and visions of my future. All they want is a better life for me, I should be grateful for someone taking an interest in me and my well being. In this crazy mixed up world, people have no qualms about abandoning their Responsibilities of Parenting with neglect and abuse. So you think that you can think for yourself, we encourage individual thinkers, but don’t forget it’s only a fool who rejects sound advice, I have never met a parent who went out of their way to steer their Children wrong. If you start now in rejecting sound advice you grow up to be the head of a Company and nothing is changed, lone Wolves do not survive. When your Parents come forward with constructive criticism, all they are doing is protecting their investment in you, food, clothes, shelter and Colleges are big overheads.

 



This is how I look at it, if I don’t have an interest in someone’s well being, it is because they put me in that position. At that point you can put us in a Room for eight hours and not a word would pass through my mouth, if you insist I’d still be mute or tell you to shut up. Now being a Parent I could not use that technique on my Kids, so I extended myself to them even when disobey and undermine is working together. When there’s a breakdown in communication the bad Blood of silent moments and distrust destroys Families. Why would you even disobey and not honor my wishes, not taking into account that I am the one who decided to give you life,nourishment and Love, and let you freeload for twenty-five years. Yet you deny respect to the one who puts a Roof over your head instead of an Adoption Center. Who is the lucky one who has to go to work whether they feel well or feel like it, and for that devotion to your well being they do. I met a woman who was a mediator listening to half wit people throwing numbers and dissatisfaction at her all day. She decided to put a Swimming pool in her Backyard to unwind at day’s end. Her grown Daughter of twenty five years old, admonishes the way she is spending her hard earned money. What is wrong with this picture? Who is the parent here?

 




I have seen many Children rule their Parents, this is not what parenting is about, if you let kids wrap you around their fingers you are now the Child. They become the Puppet master, their will is so strong, there’s nothing left of yours. When I was seventeen living under a single moms Roof and told not to do something, if I continued under cloak and got apprehended, got my face slapped, I manned up and took my punishment. Because when the Court hands out punishment they are heavy handed and don’t care if you rot in Prison. At fourteen I thought I was a Man, being naive to think I could outwit and out will a single Mom. I learned quickly not to let the skirt fool me. Years later becoming a Parent myself when my boys were Teens I posted a message on my basement wall, now that you know everything it’s time to move out and pay your own way. I know that I am dwelling but it irks me when kids get to young adults, still under your Roof dislikes your methods and philosophy, yet they aren’t smart enough to realize that two Roosters can’t live in the same Hen House. All we are trying to do is steer you clear of the pitfalls that life beholds, why would you my Child not believe when I try to tell you of the Pitfalls that’s ahead if you are not prepared. Why would a loving Parent allow you to approach them with closed eyes, it is my job not to let you approach life unprepared. It’s my job to prepare you for success or failure, the thought came to me, every Adolescents, Teenagers and young Adults at Home should be honored Guest and not an entitled one. I think everyone of my target group should read this Blog, please share your way to guilt free Parenting. Share to your Children and Grandchildren I will tell them for you that the Bible says to Honor your Parents. This Blog should be Viral, if someone had put something like this in front of me when I was fifteen, my Mother would have Lived an easier Life.

 

Related


Mothers are phenomenal



My mother had only one eye. When I was growing up, I hated her for it. I hated the uninvited attention it got me at school. I hated how the other children stared at her and looked away in disgust. My mother worked two jobs to provide for the family, but I was just embarrassed by her and didn’t want to be seen with her.
Every time my mother came to visit me at school, I wanted her to disappear. I felt a surge of hatred towards the woman who made me the laughing stock of the school. In a moment of extreme anger, I even once told my mother I wanted her to die. I was completely unconcerned about her feelings.
As I grew up, I did whatever was in my power to distance myself from my mother. I studied hard and got a job overseas so I wouldn’t have to meet her. I got married and started raising a family of my own. I got busy with my job and family and with providing a comfortable life for my beloved children. I didn’t even think about my mother anymore.
Out of the blue, my mother came to visit one day. Her one-eyed face scared my young children and they started crying. I was angry at my mother for showing up unannounced and I forbid her to ever return to my home and new family life. I yelled and screamed, but my mother quietly apologized and left without saying another word.
An invitation to a high school reunion took me back to my hometown after decades. I could not resist driving past my childhood home and stopping by the old shack. My neighbors told me my mother had passed away and left a letter for me.
“My dear child:
I must begin by apologizing for visiting your home unannounced and frightening your beautiful children. I am also deeply sorry that I was such an embarrassment and source of humiliation to you when you were growing up.
I have learned that you may be coming back to town for your reunion. I may no longer be there when you come, and I think it is time to tell you an incident that happened when you were a young child. You see, my dear child, you were involved in an accident and lost one eye. I was devastated at the thought of my beloved child growing up with only one eye. I wanted you to see the beautiful world in all its glory, so I gave you my eye.
My dear child, I always have and always will love you from the bottom of my heart. I have never regretted my decision to give you my eye, and I am at peace that I was able to give you the ability to enjoy a complete life.
Your loving mother.”
by Gift Miyanda