Tag: Parenting

Life, Parenting And Relationships

Self Analysis

Anthony Dixon

 

 

 

The Bible says “to thine own self be true”

Yet the average Person lives in a Bubble of Deception and Denial. Sometimes it even makes us ill causing Psychosis and Delusions. Sometimes we ends up on someone’s Couch shelling out over one hundred dollars an hour for someone to tell us to look deep inside our self and we will find the Root of our problem.

I would bet my Life that there is a great disproportionate number of people who have never thought about self Analysis. They go through one bad experience after another and they blame it on Bad Luck. One bad Relationship after another still blaming Luck, I don’t remember where I’ve heard it ” you make your own Luck”.The reason for that is that complacency rules the average person’s life, changes are not easy, it is way more easy to accept mediocrity and status quo than to take a long hard look at my Life.

 

 

 

At eighteen I read a Book I am not certain that it was Think And Grow Rich, or The Greatest Salesman the Book not only spoke of Financial Gains, but also enriching your day to day Life. In one Chapter it encourages Self Analysis, that chapter changed my entire Life. I took a sheet of paper, drew lines with Headings, I listed my weaknesses and strong points and the changes I would like to happen. At that point in my Life I was on the Axis of becoming Notorious or following my Mother’s Christian Teachings. She told me that Money wasn’t everything, also it was important to have a restful night’s sleep, not ducking under my Bed every time I heard a Car backfired or someone knocking at the Door.

 

 

 

That Book thought me how to have a successful rewarding life without lots of Money and a Flourishing Relationship with everyone, all from taking Analysis of myself. During the same period I remember reading about this Actor who was Married numerous times, six or seven times, all ended with Divorces, each time he blamed the Women. People like that are pathetic, even when you catch them with the smoking Gun, they will blame someone else. When they look in the Mirror they don’t see Mr Hyde, they see Mr Wonderful. I grew up with someone like that,  he should have been the inspiration for this Blog. If he is caught red-handed he would rather shed Crocodile Tears than to fess-up, making you feel guilty for accusing him of something you know for a fact that he did it.

 

 

 

People like that are good Actors on a Stage of Deception, Bad Actors on the Stage of Life. My Mother would say that someone like that has the Devil in them. I have been Married for thirty seven years and if I hadn’t done a self Analysis at eighteen I would have been Divorced thirty seven times. During my self Analysis I found out that I was self centered, manipulative and self-gratifying. What horrible Traits to bring to the Table of Marriage. By the time I got Married at thirty I had Abolished the old Me, I was the Ideal Candidate for Marriage. I was receptive of others feelings, there was no I in Team and I never forced anyone to do what they didn’t want to do.

 

 

 

Now here I am thirty seven years later daring you to self Analize yourself before you are on someone’s Couch bearing your Soul for one Hundred and seven Dollars per Hour and blaming everyone else from Mom to Society. Over the years I have learned that not only Drugs and Alcohol are Addictive, Sex also can Rule your Life. I met Jerry when I was sixteen he was eighteen, he was physically gifted and more Handsome than his Dad who thought he was too good for one Woman,  he abandoned the Family to Pollinate every flower in the Garden. His young Son absorbed his Values, Jerry was the envy of our tightly knit group of Teenagers, his conquests were unbelievable to the point of gratifying Mother and Daughter at eighteen.

 

 

 

Self Analysis was not in his Curriculums, he had not noticed that he was his Father’s Son. When he got Married to another childhood friend of mine I put Welts on my Back for not telling her what she had gotten herself into. I hoped desperately  that the Zebra’s stripes had fade, that was very naive of me. He treated her the same way his Father treated his Mother, a Woman in every State. Oftentimes I asked myself why would he want to live his Father’s Life instead of his own. The relationship was so bad, always arguing and fighting in front of his six years old Son, one Day I witness the Child slapping his Mother’s Face with all his might, I wondered where did he get that from.

 

 

 

Its been forty five years that I have seen that family, in my Mind’s Eye I see the Child carrying on his Grandfather’s Legacy, if he never conducted his own self Analysis. I must tell you Guys that if I hadn’t lived such a Colourful Life and had not pay attention to the People I grew up with I would have nothing to write about, my Imagination is not that Vivid. Anyway we are talking about self Analysis by taking stock of myself I was able to grow Rich in Life, Love and Happiness. I wish that I could say the same for Leona,  during the summer break of seventy one I worked for her Father in his inherited Business that’s where I met her, she was a pampered Child. When she got her license she was sixteen going on seventeen, her Parents gave her a Brand New Cadillac. She was raised to worship Money. When it came time to Marry she passed up Love for the Love of Money. She married a Millionaire with bad Temperaments, someone who needed Professional Analysis. Whenever he returned from Vegas a looser she was the recipient of his wrath. Broken Bones weren’t uncommon, while her Kids behind walls with Ears witnessed their Parent’s shame, molding and shaping their own future Life. Parting Words ” just do it”.

Parenting And Relationships

Ownership Of the Problem

Anthony Dixon

 

When I started my first Website which I lost due to improper Domain Registration, that Site was strictly Dedicated to Parenting. Doing Research on the Subject I came across a Book Titled Parenting with Love and Logic. I was so impressed that I contacted the Publisher and asked for Permission to Print Excerpts from the Book on my Website. Permission was granted with the Stipulation that the Excerpts didn’t exceed my own Blog Posts. I felt Privileged and Honored to receive their permission. The following Excerpts caught my attention, so here is the first of many to come.

 

 

Love and Logic Principle:

Let Teens Own Their Problems and Their Solutions

Love and Logic consultant parents help teens through life by offering choices and sharing control in the process, all the while building on their teens healthy self- concept. They let teens own their problems as well as solutions. Building a strong self- concept is the first of three things we can do with teens so when they reach the age of temptation, we’ve got a chance that they are not going to abuse drugs and alcohol or engage in other risky behaviors. The second thing we can do is to help teens learn how to make decisions. We do this in part by letting them own the responsibility, including the good feelings as well as the disappointments of those decisions, planting in their consiousness this idea: ” The quality of my Life depends on the decisions I make.” Third, we can make it clear who owns the responsibility for a particular problem.

 

 

 

If Parents don’t draw clear lines of demarcation when they are called for, they and their teenagers are in for a lot of grief. Let the teens own their own problems, their own feelings, their own disappointments, their own rewards. One of the worst things we do is give teens the message that they shouldn’t do something because the logical consequence of their action is to make adults mad. First that encourages them to shape their actions according to the voices outside their heads. And second it can reinforce an immature rebellion in some teens who will go out of their way to make adults mad.

 

 

 

Either way they don’t own the situation. For example, let’s say your daughter is Driving the family Car and she’s tempted to show off for her friends. Should she be thinking, Boy if crash this car, my dad’s really going to be mad is that how a mature teen would react? If she is a sensible young woman on her way to healthy independence, that’s not what she’ll be thinking. Instead she will say to herself, gee if I crash this car, I am going to splatter us all over the highway. Guess I better be careful. It’s the teens responsibility to own the problem and find a solution. But that’s not as easy as it sounds, because we are tempted to rush in like Helicopters to protect our son or daughter from the real world.

 

 

 

Or we march in like a drill Sergeant, bark a few orders, and expect the teenage troops to fall into line unquestioningly. Those temptations must be resisted. As a person in the helping profession of Education,  I always felt tempted to solve my students problems. So I had to train myself to do something different by using a keyword: Bummer. Whenever I used that word, it reminded me to be careful. Don’t solve the problem for him. Don’t give him a solution. Don’t give him advice,and don’t be defensive. Let him do the thinking. And when the student hears bummer it sounds emphatic. Gee too bad Bummer. I bet that feels lousy. If we show that we understand how they feel, we hand their feelings back to them-  for their control, not ours.

 

 

 

Ownership of problems also flounders when we confuse praise with encouragement. Twenty years ago Public Schools began using something called positive reinforcement. That philosophy says That if we spend a lot of time telling teens how well they are doing, they will do better. This approach works well with teens who sees themselves as a 10 because they don’t have to search for proof to backup their self-image. But how many teens in our classrooms or homes really consider themselves 10s? We encourage teens best by talking to them as adults.

 

 

 

We do not build self- concept by telling them they’re good. Teens with a poor self-image will simply discount it, and they will probably end up worse off than if we said nothing. One day teens are down; the next day they’re up. It goes with the territory. We can help by criticizing them as little as possible and by refraining from telling them what should be discovering for themselves. We want them to think for themselves, so we should be asking them questions instead of ordering them around. When they say they are going to do something stupid, we can respond, “Well, that’s an opinion. You can do that. Have you ever thought of this”this and this? We wish you well, and we will still love you no matter what happens. By talking to teens as if they were Adults, we convey the strong message that we expect them to act like adults and take charge of things in their lives. But we certainly don’t do this by Lectures or Threats.

Excepts from Parenting Teens with Love and Logic

Life, Parenting And Relationships

On The Axis

Anthony Dixon

 

 

Coordinates of Life

It doesn’t matter whether you turned 18 in the 1800s or 1972 or 2000 we all went through the same doubts, insecurity and confusion. We are not Kids anymore yet we are not Adults in the true sense, young Adults maybe, some of us never crossed the Threshold. Crossing over into Adulthood is a big step, it means taking responsibility for everything from here on in. If you choose to use Drugs or Alcohol be aware that for each action there is a reaction, whether Behavioural Psychological or Health and they all have Consequences.

 

I started smoking Cigarettes at fourteen fifty years later COPD, Emphysema, Marijuana at fourteen, Inertia all through High School, it distracted me from Shakespeare and put me in Edgar Allan Poe’s World, Beer at fourteen Alcoholic at nineteen. Worst of all I was a sneak, living under a Christian Woman’s Roof. Luckily I was able to overcome all but the Cigarettes by twenty one, yeah but at what Price wanting to prove to myself that I was a Man I blew the learning years. By the time that I realized the Importance of a College Education the Window of opportunity was closed. Luckily I broke away from my influences before twenty one, I could have been a Bum for the rest of my Life. In Life your associations picks you up or drag you down, choose them wisely. Don’t be a Sheep in the Herd, be the Shepard.

 

Peer Pressure is worse than any Addiction it makes you do things that you ordinarily wouldn’t  have even thought of on your own, don’t fall for the Trap, if you love me or if you want to be with me. In High School we had a saying ” instead of pulling themselves out of the Hole they are in a Junkie will pull you in”, part of making the Transition into Adulthood is being your own Person ( Individuality) then there is Responsibility. To me Responsibility is the hardest part about Being an Adult, being an Adult means that now you have to fend for yourself( provide, care and protect yourself) that is why you should not be in a hurry to agitate your Parents with bad behavior, while they are putting a Roof over your head and food in your Stomach, they have your best interest at Heart.

 

Ask anyone in College who are working their way through School. Fending for yourself without a Proper Education is scrounging Bottom. Don’t be in such a hurry to be Kicked out on your own. Most Parents will support their kids late into their twenties and some Beyond. I once lived next door to a fifty years old Man who lived off his seventy five years old Mother. He lost his Driving Privileges through DUI. Not being able to Drive himself to Work made him a Dependent, he wasn’t even ambitious enough to take any job within walking distance. Being a Dependent all your Life is choosing not to cross the Threshold. Remember the word Responsibility.

 

The awkward years are difficult for anyone, remember childhood isn’t far behind and the challenges of Adulthood is right in front of you, take time relishing your youth, while making Bold smart steps into Adulthood. As soon as you look around the years are gone and you are now your Parents Reflection, a Parent yourself with the Headaches of raising a Child who knows everything, I was that Child. At fourteen I knew everything including how to get stoned on weed, who did it hurt but me, who suffered from Inertia, me, what did I gained, nothing, what did I loose everything, the chance of being a Scholar and an Author.

 

Instead I did what I had to do to make a Living to support the Family I could not wait to have, Finding out fifty years later that I like sharing my Thoughts and a Vivid Imagination is an essential for Writing. To be eighteen again I wouldn’t have  blown precious youth in hurrying to grow old. I would have taken  time to smell the Roses before I became addicted to Coffee and Nicotine. At the end of writing this Blog I just Learned that Teens Smoking went up 80% . If Jumping off the San Francisco Bridge was Trending, would you be there. Vaping is Trending please don’t Jump, its just as bad as Nicotine or worse, it gives you Popcorn Lunges. Chart your Course follow your chosen Path because the Axis of Life fades like Footprints in the Sand. Making the right choices dictates the rest of your Life, Eighteen is your fork in the Road choose wisely.

 

 

Insights from Alice Cooper

 

Lines form on my face and hands

Lines form from the ups and downs

I’m in the middle without any plans

I’m a boy and I’m a man

I’m eighteen

And I don’t know what I want

Eighteen

I just don’t know what I want

Eighteen

I gotta get away

I gotta get out of this place

I’ll go runnin’ in outer space

Oh yeah

I got a

Baby’s brain and an old man’s heart

Took eighteen years to get this far

Don’t always know what I’m talkin’ about

Feels like I’m livin’ in the middle of doubt

‘Cause I’m

Eighteen

I get confused every day

Eighteen

I just don’t know what to say

Eighteen

I gotta get away

Lines form on my face and my hands

Lines form on the left and right

I’m in the middle

The middle of life

I’m a boy and I’m a man

I’m eighteen and I like it

Yes I like it

Oh I like it

Love it

Like it

Love it

Eighteen!

Eighteen!

Eighteen!

Eighteen and I like it


Songwriters: Alice Cooper / Dennis Dunaway

Life, Parenting And Relationships

Fell Asleep At The Wheel

Anthony Dixon

 

Nikolas Cruz
Killed 17 fellow Students

 

 

Fell Asleep At The Wheel

Several Months ago I wrote a Blog about Inept People in the workplace that Blog is still pending. Over the past couple of Months I have been following the Story about Nikolas Cruz, he is a young Man with a Troubled past who had sent his Guardians, his friends, his School and the world messages, even on Facebook that he was a stick of Dynamite waiting to Blow. No one read the Signals, one Day the Powder keg Blew. On February 14 2018 Cruz went to School carrying what was visibly a Rifle Bag, I am just about certain that the School Monitor told Authorities that he saw the Bag and identified it as a Rifle Bag. The Monitor’s failure to approach Cruz and ask him to open the Bag was just one Fatal piece of the series of ineptness of all involved, that allowed Cruz to carry out an Act of Terrorism on his fellow Classmates and Faculty members.

 

The Troubled Youth went inside Majory Stoneman Douglas High School and Killed seventeen of his fellow Students and Staff Members, he also injured seventeen others. While the Massacres unfolded there was an Armed Sheriff Deputy on the Campus Grounds that made no attempt to enter the Building to minimize the Carnage. Did I mention Ineptness and Cowardness, at twelve years old I was a Man of action. One Day while playing in the Schoolyard one of my Classmates fell on a broken Bottle severing his Wrist 90%. My fellow Classmates gathered panick strickened and watched his Life flowing away from his Body, I immediately jumped into action taking off my Belt making a Tourniquet, applying it to his Forearm tightening and Loosening it until the Ambulance came.

 

 

The Medics told me that I saved his Life. That’s who I have been all my Life, someone who could spot Danger and wasn’t afraid to jump right into a Dangerous situation to save Lives. All the People involved in the Majory Stoneman Massacre kept a Hands off Stance. His close friends knew he had access to Dangerous Weapons while Harboring  bad Temperaments towards his fellow Classmates, the only Parity to be drawn is ” Friends don’t let Friends Drive Drunk” no one lift a Finger to Alert Authorities of the Ticking Time Bomb. The School also fell asleep at the Wheel, there were numerous Documents of Antisocial Behaviour and of fighting and Threatening, even on Facebook.

 

 

 

The Warning Signals were Louder than 100 Kids in the Hallways, yet no one heard, did I mention Ineptness, if you have a Child that enjoys Torturing and Killing Lizards and small Animals “Ding Dong” is there someone at the Door, na just my imagination. Cruz have been acting out for a Long time, his Guardian slept the entire Trip, so did his Friends The School, the School Monitor and the Deputy on Duty. In many of my Blogs I have stated that there are many People  who are Parents and Guardians that should  not be allowed to care for Dogs and Cats. In one of my earlier Blogs Titled Fatherless Homes it is Documented that 90% of Social upheavals comes from these Homes I have said it over and again, putting a Roof over their Heads and food on the Table is not all there is to Parenting.

 

 

I’m somewhat of an Authority on Problematic Teens, at fourteen I smoked Weed and drank Beer regularly. Many Nights my Mother worked overtime and she got Home before I did, stumbling in after a hard Day of Partying, one morning I came stumbling in five A.M. peeping out of three Eyes. I took years off that poor woman’s life, can you imagine working all Day, coming Home and not seeing your sixteen years old child for almost twenty four Hours. My Mother was a Caring Loving Person she never once abused any of her Children, that Day I had pushed her to her Limits. She stayed up all Night to Exercise the little Minion called Me, if I ever returned.

 

 

She Lay waited me behind the Door with a Broomstick and dropped me to my Knees, that was the last time I tried to Undermine her, that Assault Taught me that Laws weren’t made to be broken by some dumb Kid on a Runaway Train. If the Courts had gotten whiff of her trying to Crippled me, she would have been in Jail and I would have been free to Run Amok on Society. I gave that Woman Insomnia, she never once fell asleep at the Wheel. Today fifty years later I am still thankful for her taking control and being the Responsible Party. Every Day I awake I give God thanks for giving me a Vigilant Parent who refused to sleep. The People that I was Partying with were Devious People, all the while me thinking they were cool Adults allowing a Kid to hang with them.

 

 

They had ulterior Motives, they were Grooming me to sell their products. Mother didn’t fall asleep at the Wheel, she didn’t know the who, what, where and why but she knew something was wrong. Today I am here to tell Parents of Problematic Teens don’t go to sleep. Mother told me a Story fifty years ago, up to Today I still think that she was pulling my Leg. She said there once was a young Man awaiting Execution, his Mother came to say goodbye, he called her close to the Bars as if to whisper in her Ear. To the Mother’s surprise he Bit her Ear off telling her” that’s for not telling me that I couldn’t get away with Murder” true or false I got the Message.

Life, Parenting And Relationships, Safe Driving

The Speed Bug

Anthony Dixon

 

 

The. Speed Bug

Today I wake up to the News that two Highway Murders were going on Trial for taking the Lives of a young Mother and her Infant Child one year ago. Those two Egomaniacs were Racing on a Public Street at speeds over 100 MPH in the middle of the Day, the young Woman was pushing the Stroller while crossing the Street. Wheather or not she was crossing with the Light they didn’t have a chance, this was an illfated Day for the Victims. The two Oxi-morons were probably allowed to post Bonds and go on living their miserable Lives. Drag Racing is been around since Moonshine Running which gave Birth to NASCAR Racing, what is new is the B***h attitude that everyone has in my neck of the Woods when they get behind the Wheel. It doesn’t matter if the Vehicle is thirty years old and poorly maintained People around the Tampa area runs their Vehicles hard with Reckless Abandon and they all posses the B attitude. What they are trying to prove or to whom behooves me, Driving cross-country Commercially and on Leisure Trips I have noticed that the B attitude is of Epidemic porpotion. Road Rage is the offspring of this Attitude, from seventy five to seventeen the Attitude prevails, it doesn’t matter whether they are Educated, Professionals, Men or Women the Attitude Rules our Roadways.

 

 

That’s what separates a Motorist from the Crowd, a Motorist cares for and about his Vehicle and it’s operations, he also cares for his fellow Drivers by always exercising Courtesy and caution. I had the Best Driving Instructor, he told me to always drive like I was the only one on the Road that knows what I am doing, yet he never mentioned anything about being a good Motorist, there is a difference between Motorists” Drivers and vehicle operators. Vehicle Operators have minimum skills, with continuous learning they become good Drivers, a Motorist knows the Dynamics of a Vehicle, it’s capabilities and inadequacies in different Weather conditions and operations. 

 

 

There is no doubt in my Mind that those two Highway Murders didn’t know that at 110 MPH, on a dry Road with good brakes, the Vehicle will skid 340 feet more before stopping. This distance combined with perception and reaction time and distance means you need about 600 feet to stop a Vehicle traveling at 110. MPH and even more with a Pickup Truck. Forget about all the Technical stuff what about Contingencies, it was a clear Day with good weather conditions traveling Amsterdam Ave in Manhattan, I was going five miles over the Speed limit. Out of the Blue a four years old Child chased his Ball into the Street in front of me. Forty years later I still don’t give myself credit for saving his Life, I stopped within six inches of the Child, if the Car had rocked forwards the Catastrophe would have been all mine.

 

 

 

 

That is what being a good Motorist is all about, saving Lives. Being a good Motorist is a practiced way of Driving knowing that whatever can go wrong will go wrong. Taking all into consideration, why would I go Racing my thirty seven Thousand Dollars Plastic and Fiberglass Heap through City Streets, my Car is surrounded with Censors, yet I operate the Vehicle as if there were none. Many years ago while traveling the Vanwycke Highway in Queens, it was early afternoon, I was traveling at 65 ten miles over the Speed limit. Two Brand New Cars blew my Doors off doing 80 +, two hundred yards ahead of me they simultaneously decided to enter the middle Lane, slamming together they littered the Roadway in front of me.

 

 

 

 

I narrowly escaped being part of the Catastrophe by Driving on the Grassy Shoulder, I didn’t stop, there was nothing I could do they needed a Priest. With all the Hands on experience why wouldn’t I strive to be the best Motorist that I can be, and why shouldn’t you. Many Nights I travel the Bayside Bridge at twelve Am, nowhere else in the Tampa area is it more evident that Mindless Drones rules the Roadways, 100+ is not an occasional occurrence, when someone is Barreling towards me I move two Lanes away from them. I believe that the two Mindless Drones that killed the young Mother was exiting a Bridge onto a quiet Street. I see their faces on Television and Moron is written all over them. And so in conclusion don’t be a Moron, Drive like your Life and others depends on your good senses.

 

 

 

 

Incidentally they had just Graduated High School, I know they didn’t have the Money to buy Hot Mustangs. At seventeen my first decent Car came off a used Lot with money earned from working part time, buying my first Car and getting insurance with my own Money taught me Responsibility. Buying your Kids brand new Cars knowing that they are irresponsible, (no one knows a Child more than a Parent) puts the blame for that young Mother’s and Infant’s Death in your Lap. Buying expensive Toys don’t fill the Void of being a Parent.

P.S.  Once again speed kills.