Category: Parenting And Relationships

It’s A Challenge

To be a good Parent May be The Challenge of your Life. The Bible says go forth and multiply, some Half Wit Philosopher said your Life is not fulfilled until you have Children.  Not disputing the Bible, but I match with the latter. Having and raising Children isn’t all that it’s cropped up to be. First of all, once they come on the screen, your Life is changed. You can’t go out Drinking and hanging with the Boys every Weekend coming Home in the Am looking through three Eyes, and leaving  the little Woman alone to deal with the miseries, they throw at her, if you could only see yourself through her eyes . No you have to be there to get your share of the loaded Diapers , the middle of the night wailing, then they grow to be little People with big attitudes. Woke up one day and find that your Life has changed, or should, you can’t use the vulgarity you are used to spitting. When you think that they are not listening, one day they hit you with something like, ” uncle Tony you’re F*c***g kidding me are you. Four years old with the mouth of yourself. It’s a life changing experience.

I would rather own a Racehorse, sometimes they do win and pay for their upkeep.  You can invest a Bushel in a child’s upkeep, upbringing and Education, and they turn out to be Bums, use Drugs and hanging with the Underbellies of Society. So where did you go wrong,  you didn’t, they did, it’s a Crap Shoot. Sometimes you raise Thoroughbreds and other times strangers. I have met Educated adults who refused to put it to good use, move out and make their own way. Before they  get to that point they make your Life absolutely miserable, by acting like they are the Parents. Sometimes they are just Adolescents with big attitudes. By the time they turn Teenagers, they are ready to give you a good ass whipping.

You try to pass on to them the benefits of all you have learned about Life, and they think that you are Stupid, for trying to save them from the disaster of themselves . I am not just talking off the top of my Head. When I was fourteen I was a big Pot Head who drank colt 45. Thank God I kept my intemperance for the Weekend,  and not School hours, also thank God for a strong willed person I called Mom. As I said before the Challenge is Great. So the next time you think about making Babies, ask yourself, am I up to the aftermath.

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Stand Up Dad

Making Babies and running off is an awful trait associated with Men, just about animalistic if you ask me. Bad enough when Men do it, but when a Woman meets a Man and run off leaving two young Daughters, that is despicable,I don’t care how good looking or Rich he is, I don’t even care if your marriage is horrendous. Your first priority is your Children. No matter what the circumstances are, your new Man don’t want Kids or your Husband is undeserving of you, first and foremost you are a Mother. Mothers are a special Breed, their propensity to Love care and nurture is unyielding. My Mother was incredible at the art of Motherhood, raising two Boys by herself, she was Mother and Father, a good provider, Teacher and Mentor. Struggling with two Boys, she once met a Man who professed his love for her, a Doctor by profession. He wanted to marry her, with one catch, he wanted her to put her sixteen and nineteen years old out of the House. I guess he feared that if he turned out to be Mr Hyde we would beat him silly, that request enraged her, she sent him packing. Now that’s A good Mother.

Philip was married for twelve years, came home one day and his wife was gone, leaving two young Daughters behind, to raise by himself. Being a stand up Dad, he embraced the challenge boldly. Children can be heartless people, the way they challenge disobey and disrespect us when we are trying our best. My only satisfaction I get from them being Brats, is knowing that their day will come when their own Kids will do the same to them.Philip’s Kids were brutal, they put him through the grinder with their attitude. They acted as if he was the one who ran their Mother off, when it was her own hormones that made her run off leaving them behind. He did his best as Mr Mom, putting his own life on hold for a long time. Making sure that he brought the right Woman home, to fill the void left by the self centered one who ran off abandoning her Family. One day he met a Librarian and decided to marry her, it is never a good idea to raise Girls alone. Girls need the female influence of a Mother, even just for rounding out. Needless to say the Girls did not welcome her with open arms. They were Vociferous and openly challenging and disrespectful. Disapproval was high, they did not care if she was Queen Elizabeth. She was not theIr no good Mother who they were too blind to disown and reciprocatively abandoned. The years progressed with little tranquility, one day through the act of God or goodwill by the new Mom,they came around and acknowledged that she is more deserving of their respect love and appreciation, than the one who gave them Birth. I guess the Lord do work in mysterious ways.

Responsibility

When I was a teenager I thought that growing up meant being free of my mother’s constant nagging about the person she wanted me to be. A proud Man with values that others would admire. Having respect for my fellow man, not hurting anyone directly or indirectly, not stealing or cheating, to be precise do unto others as you would have them do to you. All through those turbulent teen years it never occurred to me that what Mother was doing was preparing me for the life ahead of me. She was teaching responsibility to an oblivious teen who could not wait to be an adult and do all the bad things that adults do, like too many sex partners, excessive use of alcohol and drugs. It never occurred to me that they were wasting their lives and killing themselves. I once worked with a twenty one years old man who had heart murmur  from the amount of coke that he ingested from seventeen to twenty one. Can you imagine a young man with the heart of an old man. I also met a Man who didn’t know the names of all his children, he had so many with different Women. Yet another man who drank anything other than milk or water and his stomach would bleed, from all the alcohol he drank .

All this boiled down to responsibility, something that too many adults lack. Immature and irresponsible they know how to scratch the itch but nothing about parenting, I would need a calculator to tabulate the amount of men that I have met in their forties and fifties with the mentality of a fifteen year old. Looking back I thank mom for all the nagging. Of all the misfits that I have been unfortunate to have met in my life, I must say mother did her Job raising two Boys by herself with great success. Neither one of us possess a compulsive obsessive disorder, both good husbands and  fathers, world class citizens who respect all of God’s Creatures.
Parenting comes easy for me, lead by example and pass on values through the way you live your life, it can’t be taught. Trying to teach values and living your life in a gregarious manner is contradicting.

The other day I noticed a young man with two young boys heading to the Beach, in one Hand he had a twelve pack of beer in the other was an opened can that he was sipping from. The message he was sending, public drunkenness was against the law but cool anyway, how contradictory. It’s the same when you invite a bunch of friends over, everybody gets shit-faced and trash talk when the kids are within earshot. That’s  irresponsibility , kids are like sponges they absorb their Environment. Once I was sitting at the kitchen table with my friend’s wife having a conversation when her eight years old son could not get her attention he vehemently declared mommy you are a Bitch , instead of slapping his face and giving credibility to his vulgarity, she asked him why he called her that. He staunchly replied Daddy said that you are.

It appeared that he and his dad had a conversation about something that his mother told him he couldn’t have and his response was, don’t mind her she is a Bitch. On another occasion we were in his Basement doing some work, the Door leading upstairs was slightly ajar. His eighth years and his six years was locked in a fierce Verbal confrontation, calling each other every vulgar names under the Sun. I thought to myself these kinds weren’t being Raised up they were being dragged up by irresponsible people who were clueless that their children were living their parents lives mimicking the way they interacted with each other. Six years later the girl was sitting in the Driver’s seat of his Truck, he had his Hand between the Door Frame and the Door. After years of watching her Mother being abused she slammed the Door shut on his Hand, he had unwittingly corrupted his daughter. As I have said over and again, anyone can make Babies, but we all don’t possess the level of responsibility to be good Parents.