Category: Parenting And Relationships

Life, Parenting And Relationships

Dogs

Anthony Dixon

For thirty seven years every time a sex scandal breaks, all I ever heard from my Wife is Men are dogs. Even though I know she wasn’t referring to me. One thing she always said to me is that I was going to Hell for holding a grudge. Many a Days when she made me mad, I would crawl in bed, turn my Back to her and snored like a Bear, even if she was in her Birthday Suit and smelling like a Flower. That is what a real Man do, he does not put his Pride in his back Pocket, he does not abandon his conviction,  compromise his Ideals, sell his Soul, throw away everything, lose his Mind or his Career for a little Piece. And there you have it, the motivation for this Blog.

My first experience to Men who would throw it all away for a moment pleasure came when I was fourteen. Someone of great trust a pillar of the Community, a Teacher, tried to Rape me across the Street from a Police Precinct. If I had screamed the Cops would heard me loud and clear hollering Rape. The poor Dumb Rapist did not do his Homework, otherwise he would have known that I had a reputation of kicking Asses of people much older than I was. All for a piece of Ass he carried my souvenir for the rest of his Life, a Glass Eye. I Nailed him so hard in his Eye it almost fell out of the Socket and hit the Floor. I am pretty sure the Cops heard him screaming like a little Girl. That’s what you get when you stretch your Loins instead of your Mind.

Not long after that I kept hearing Rumors of Altar Boys being Molested and Raped by Priests I was still fourteen. I thought to myself maybe I needed to get a Gun to protect myself from the People who were supposed to Protect me. Three months away from fifteen I became friends with a twelve years old Catholic School Attendee, that Boy had access to more Marijuana than many Dealers, his Brother was one. Many days after School when we should be Home doing our Homework, we sat in the Schoolyard smoking some of the most Potent Strains , exchanging Stories of Molestation that went all the way up to the Bishop. No wonder that at twelve and fourteen our Heads were all screwed up smoking Marijuana trying to make sense of the Madness.

We were both deep into Music Jethro Thul’s Aqualong was one of our favorite, our favorite verse, eyeing little Girls in baggy Pants. Need I say more, we were being corrupted by Our Society. A few years later two Brothers the Timmins Brothers both sixteen years old were Arrested for a string of Rapes, probably twelve. All perpetrated on Seniors, Women old enough to be their Great Grandmothers. The World that we were coming into was unraveling in front of our Eyes. Sex was now more important than Morality and everything else. Sodom and Gomorrah had resurged. And still have not gone away. Over the years stories of Infants, Adolescents, Teenagers and grown Women being Molested an Raped has made it to Epidemic status.

Which takes me back thirty seven years when I first heard my Wife saying that men are Dogs. At this point in my Life I beg to disagree, they are Primates- Cro-magnon, still wearing Loincloth hunched over. When your primitive Sex drive outweighs all, including your freedom, your Career and your Dignity calling you a Dog is an insult to Man’s Best Friend. Which makes me ask the question is Testosterone the Driving force of Life? It has been speculated that Cain killed his Brother over a Woman, Countries gone to War, Kings Abdicating their Thrones, Rich Men giving up Fortunes, over a Woman. My English Literature Teacher’s words resonates in my Head ” what is the Author not saying” it’s not a Woman it’s the Itch.

Failure to control the Itch has made Monkeys out of many Great Men. Judges, Doctors, Presidents, Bishops, Clergymen, CEOs, Teachers, Actors, Comedians, Television Personalities, Fathers and young Boys. Many are sitting in Prisons because they acted like Dogs in Heat. They lost their freedom and everything all because they never heard of a cold Shower, now they are showering with big Burly Men who take what they want, even if you are only eighteen and a Virgin. Two years ago in Tampa, a young man of seventeen was Arrested and Convicted of two Rapes. He raped his first victim when he was sixteen, the victim was sixty. Barely seventeen he attacked his second victim, she was seventeen and College Bound with great aspirations.

He gave her such a severe beating she is now in a Vegetative state unable to speak or eat. May God help us all for what we’ve become, Chimpanzees in Heat. My Wife is an Avid Reader, she finds Stories that doesn’t make Mainstream Media. The other day she informed me that one of my favorite Personalities was Raped by her Dad a Minister. She was in her early Teens when her own Father Impregnated her. Again we are back in the Caves, your Granddaughter is your Daughter, Deliverance all over again. Since we are nothing but Barbarians at least one Custom should still be in our Penal Code, Castration.

Although I have written in many Blogs that you can’t always blame Society and the Parents for all your mal-adjustments. At this late stage in Life I am developing inward conflicts of those Beliefs. The Media sells Sex as if it was more important than Food, Kids barely sixteen becoming Parents, not mature enough to guide themselves, what can you expect from their Offsprings. For instance when I was thirteen a fifteen years old Nymphomaniac lined up four other Boys and myself and introduced us to Sex. I am beginning to convince myself that it is a Parenting issue. Although The Media doesn’t help being Manipulative and Suggestive. When I was younger I used to think that the Moral Majority was Intrusive and Overbearing, all that has changed with the aforementioned. Without Morality we are back in the Caves Naked and without a Candle.

Life, Parenting And Relationships

Self Analysis

Anthony Dixon

 

 

 

The Bible says “to thine own self be true”

Yet the average Person lives in a Bubble of Deception and Denial. Sometimes it even makes us ill causing Psychosis and Delusions. Sometimes we ends up on someone’s Couch shelling out over one hundred dollars an hour for someone to tell us to look deep inside our self and we will find the Root of our problem.

I would bet my Life that there is a great disproportionate number of people who have never thought about self Analysis. They go through one bad experience after another and they blame it on Bad Luck. One bad Relationship after another still blaming Luck, I don’t remember where I’ve heard it ” you make your own Luck”.The reason for that is that complacency rules the average person’s life, changes are not easy, it is way more easy to accept mediocrity and status quo than to take a long hard look at my Life.

 

 

 

At eighteen I read a Book I am not certain that it was Think And Grow Rich, or The Greatest Salesman the Book not only spoke of Financial Gains, but also enriching your day to day Life. In one Chapter it encourages Self Analysis, that chapter changed my entire Life. I took a sheet of paper, drew lines with Headings, I listed my weaknesses and strong points and the changes I would like to happen. At that point in my Life I was on the Axis of becoming Notorious or following my Mother’s Christian Teachings. She told me that Money wasn’t everything, also it was important to have a restful night’s sleep, not ducking under my Bed every time I heard a Car backfired or someone knocking at the Door.

 

 

 

That Book thought me how to have a successful rewarding life without lots of Money and a Flourishing Relationship with everyone, all from taking Analysis of myself. During the same period I remember reading about this Actor who was Married numerous times, six or seven times, all ended with Divorces, each time he blamed the Women. People like that are pathetic, even when you catch them with the smoking Gun, they will blame someone else. When they look in the Mirror they don’t see Mr Hyde, they see Mr Wonderful. I grew up with someone like that,  he should have been the inspiration for this Blog. If he is caught red-handed he would rather shed Crocodile Tears than to fess-up, making you feel guilty for accusing him of something you know for a fact that he did it.

 

 

 

People like that are good Actors on a Stage of Deception, Bad Actors on the Stage of Life. My Mother would say that someone like that has the Devil in them. I have been Married for thirty seven years and if I hadn’t done a self Analysis at eighteen I would have been Divorced thirty seven times. During my self Analysis I found out that I was self centered, manipulative and self-gratifying. What horrible Traits to bring to the Table of Marriage. By the time I got Married at thirty I had Abolished the old Me, I was the Ideal Candidate for Marriage. I was receptive of others feelings, there was no I in Team and I never forced anyone to do what they didn’t want to do.

 

 

 

Now here I am thirty seven years later daring you to self Analize yourself before you are on someone’s Couch bearing your Soul for one Hundred and seven Dollars per Hour and blaming everyone else from Mom to Society. Over the years I have learned that not only Drugs and Alcohol are Addictive, Sex also can Rule your Life. I met Jerry when I was sixteen he was eighteen, he was physically gifted and more Handsome than his Dad who thought he was too good for one Woman,  he abandoned the Family to Pollinate every flower in the Garden. His young Son absorbed his Values, Jerry was the envy of our tightly knit group of Teenagers, his conquests were unbelievable to the point of gratifying Mother and Daughter at eighteen.

 

 

 

Self Analysis was not in his Curriculums, he had not noticed that he was his Father’s Son. When he got Married to another childhood friend of mine I put Welts on my Back for not telling her what she had gotten herself into. I hoped desperately  that the Zebra’s stripes had fade, that was very naive of me. He treated her the same way his Father treated his Mother, a Woman in every State. Oftentimes I asked myself why would he want to live his Father’s Life instead of his own. The relationship was so bad, always arguing and fighting in front of his six years old Son, one Day I witness the Child slapping his Mother’s Face with all his might, I wondered where did he get that from.

 

 

 

Its been forty five years that I have seen that family, in my Mind’s Eye I see the Child carrying on his Grandfather’s Legacy, if he never conducted his own self Analysis. I must tell you Guys that if I hadn’t lived such a Colourful Life and had not pay attention to the People I grew up with I would have nothing to write about, my Imagination is not that Vivid. Anyway we are talking about self Analysis by taking stock of myself I was able to grow Rich in Life, Love and Happiness. I wish that I could say the same for Leona,  during the summer break of seventy one I worked for her Father in his inherited Business that’s where I met her, she was a pampered Child. When she got her license she was sixteen going on seventeen, her Parents gave her a Brand New Cadillac. She was raised to worship Money. When it came time to Marry she passed up Love for the Love of Money. She married a Millionaire with bad Temperaments, someone who needed Professional Analysis. Whenever he returned from Vegas a looser she was the recipient of his wrath. Broken Bones weren’t uncommon, while her Kids behind walls with Ears witnessed their Parent’s shame, molding and shaping their own future Life. Parting Words ” just do it”.

Parenting And Relationships

Ownership Of the Problem

Anthony Dixon

 

When I started my first Website which I lost due to improper Domain Registration, that Site was strictly Dedicated to Parenting. Doing Research on the Subject I came across a Book Titled Parenting with Love and Logic. I was so impressed that I contacted the Publisher and asked for Permission to Print Excerpts from the Book on my Website. Permission was granted with the Stipulation that the Excerpts didn’t exceed my own Blog Posts. I felt Privileged and Honored to receive their permission. The following Excerpts caught my attention, so here is the first of many to come.

 

 

Love and Logic Principle:

Let Teens Own Their Problems and Their Solutions

Love and Logic consultant parents help teens through life by offering choices and sharing control in the process, all the while building on their teens healthy self- concept. They let teens own their problems as well as solutions. Building a strong self- concept is the first of three things we can do with teens so when they reach the age of temptation, we’ve got a chance that they are not going to abuse drugs and alcohol or engage in other risky behaviors. The second thing we can do is to help teens learn how to make decisions. We do this in part by letting them own the responsibility, including the good feelings as well as the disappointments of those decisions, planting in their consiousness this idea: ” The quality of my Life depends on the decisions I make.” Third, we can make it clear who owns the responsibility for a particular problem.

 

 

 

If Parents don’t draw clear lines of demarcation when they are called for, they and their teenagers are in for a lot of grief. Let the teens own their own problems, their own feelings, their own disappointments, their own rewards. One of the worst things we do is give teens the message that they shouldn’t do something because the logical consequence of their action is to make adults mad. First that encourages them to shape their actions according to the voices outside their heads. And second it can reinforce an immature rebellion in some teens who will go out of their way to make adults mad.

 

 

 

Either way they don’t own the situation. For example, let’s say your daughter is Driving the family Car and she’s tempted to show off for her friends. Should she be thinking, Boy if crash this car, my dad’s really going to be mad is that how a mature teen would react? If she is a sensible young woman on her way to healthy independence, that’s not what she’ll be thinking. Instead she will say to herself, gee if I crash this car, I am going to splatter us all over the highway. Guess I better be careful. It’s the teens responsibility to own the problem and find a solution. But that’s not as easy as it sounds, because we are tempted to rush in like Helicopters to protect our son or daughter from the real world.

 

 

 

Or we march in like a drill Sergeant, bark a few orders, and expect the teenage troops to fall into line unquestioningly. Those temptations must be resisted. As a person in the helping profession of Education,  I always felt tempted to solve my students problems. So I had to train myself to do something different by using a keyword: Bummer. Whenever I used that word, it reminded me to be careful. Don’t solve the problem for him. Don’t give him a solution. Don’t give him advice,and don’t be defensive. Let him do the thinking. And when the student hears bummer it sounds emphatic. Gee too bad Bummer. I bet that feels lousy. If we show that we understand how they feel, we hand their feelings back to them-  for their control, not ours.

 

 

 

Ownership of problems also flounders when we confuse praise with encouragement. Twenty years ago Public Schools began using something called positive reinforcement. That philosophy says That if we spend a lot of time telling teens how well they are doing, they will do better. This approach works well with teens who sees themselves as a 10 because they don’t have to search for proof to backup their self-image. But how many teens in our classrooms or homes really consider themselves 10s? We encourage teens best by talking to them as adults.

 

 

 

We do not build self- concept by telling them they’re good. Teens with a poor self-image will simply discount it, and they will probably end up worse off than if we said nothing. One day teens are down; the next day they’re up. It goes with the territory. We can help by criticizing them as little as possible and by refraining from telling them what should be discovering for themselves. We want them to think for themselves, so we should be asking them questions instead of ordering them around. When they say they are going to do something stupid, we can respond, “Well, that’s an opinion. You can do that. Have you ever thought of this”this and this? We wish you well, and we will still love you no matter what happens. By talking to teens as if they were Adults, we convey the strong message that we expect them to act like adults and take charge of things in their lives. But we certainly don’t do this by Lectures or Threats.

Excepts from Parenting Teens with Love and Logic

Life, Parenting And Relationships

Loves Company

Anthony Dixon

 

 

Loves company

When it comes to trouble and problems I am a very selfish and private person. I have been Married for thirty seven years, I know that the Vows said for better or worse, but I have always kept my problems to myself until they were dragged out of me by my demeanor, sometimes I am a moper, not to drag others in but probably self-pity. Remember that a listening ear is a telling mouth. When I got Audited by IRS my wife only found out after I got home from the Audit. Whereas with the average person it’s the total opposite, as the saying goes misery loves company. Not being a chauvinist, even though I have earned the right to be one being married for thirty seven years. I gave respect and was rewarded with Love.

 

 

If I had dropped a five Dollar bill in a Jar for all the wrath of mood swings for thirty seven years I would be a rich Man. That is all that I am going to say about mood swings, I would like to stay married, and on that grounds I am not going to say anything about other marital issues. I will forever be quoting my English Literature Teacher ” what is the Author not saying” nowhere more prevalent than Relationships to find out that misery loves company, yet for the greater good, you need to be tolerant and absorb verbal assaults even if they kill you, especially if love is the common denominator. As the saying goes we only hurt the ones we love. I will never understand that phrase, because if you love me why would you even consider hurting me.

 

 

While living next door to Henry, one Night I heard the commotion of a violent argument between he and his wife of thirty years. Seems that the argument was centered around one of her Nephews moving in, Henry was adamant she was domineering, it was a Dogfight with tragic outcomes. Silence took over, to be broken by the loud siren of the Ambulance. From all the stress from the Dogfighting, Henry had suffered a Heart attack and died before the Ambulance got there. How Tragic I often wondered how she could live with herself knowing that she couldn’t have done a better job with a knife or a Gun. I kept a secret that if she knew what I knew, it would kill her paraphrasingly. I wasn’t married yet, he took me under his wings and into his confidence, from the counseling he gave me another Man never would have gotten married.

He said you never know when they are going to put you out of the House that you built with your own two Hands. And so in tern he told me that he had 50,000 Dollars stached that she knew nothing about, he called it his Runaway Money. That money was buried with him, I never told anyone about it. We all have done deeds that we weren’t proud of, that was my gift to Henry. From all the failed Relationships that I had seen prior to me getting married, thirty seven years later I still am amazed that I jumped the Broom( getting married) In the middle of writing this Blog, at work I held the Door for a Beautiful young woman and a Man the Man said thanks, I guess she ditto it she never said a word, instead she looked at me as if I were stupid.

 

 

I said to myself what an ugly krone, beauty is only skin deep, can you imagine living with that for thirty seven years, I probably would be hanging with Henry. It absolutely behooves me how people can wear their misery on their sleeves. Me I could have just gotten the News from my Doctor that I had one week left and I would still be cordial to all up to my final Hour. Taking ownership of the problem and looking for the solution have always been one of my strong points. Most people wallow in selfpity never owning the problem and searching for it’s solutions. John worked in the same Job for twenty years all the while hating the job his nitwit Boss and himself for sticking it, I guess the Money was worth the Agony.

 

 

Each and every Day he got off work he stopped at the same Bar, I call it his first Home because he never went Home and then come back out to the Bar. I know His wife to be a pleasant Woman, but from his Son-in-law she was a Nag. If so be the case my sympathy goes to John, because I have never heard any stories of him being verbally or physically abusive to his Wife or his Children, nonetheless that is mental abuse for the Wife. He is a Man of my own Heart, keep it to yourself no one put you in your predicament, so no one should feel the wrath. There are so many Maladies in Society from People not owning their problems, instead they blame the World, they Nurse their misplaced guilt while it eats at them, until they blow their Lids and Act Out tragically. For instance mass Shootings and Road Rage violence.

 

 

These are people whose Bugs are so far concealed in their Intestines that Psychiatric help would be of no value, some have been grinding Axes since childhood. You can blame a broken Home, an indifferent Parent who showed little to no Love, being abused or any of a hundred reasons, in each Life the Rain must fall. You are not unique, you are not the only one, If I maintained the why me attitude when I got molested by a Teacher at fourteen I should have hated every Gay Person and took part in all the Gay Bashing that transpired after School. If you don’t move on with your life, you are never Happy until everyone around you are miserable, I call that the Jr Ewing syndrome.

 

 

That reminds me of one of my Aunts who did everything in her power to shatter the family by telling lies and spreading gossip about every member of the family, having everyone hating the other for no reason. Karma has it that she is now in a Nursing Home not knowing the names of all the people she poked with a Stick.  My Hero Mattie  Stepanek puts it best, my recollection is poor but the sentiment is paralleled. The sharp point of the Arrow delivers a piercing Blow, the Blade of a sharp Sword delivers a mighty Blow but Words delivers the most Devastating Blows. My Hero Mattie died at age thirteen this was one of his final messages ” Live your best Life, be your best self, give what you wish to receive.” They say that Misery loves company, whenever you are feeling sad and miserable with your Life, go and read my Blog Titled My Hero. Its about a Boy who Died at thirteen years old an Author, a Poet and an Ambassador of Goodwill, who didn’t believe in sharing the misery of his Tragic Life with the World, only the Good in Life.

 

Love is Grand
Life, Parenting And Relationships

On The Axis

Anthony Dixon

 

 

Coordinates of Life

It doesn’t matter whether you turned 18 in the 1800s or 1972 or 2000 we all went through the same doubts, insecurity and confusion. We are not Kids anymore yet we are not Adults in the true sense, young Adults maybe, some of us never crossed the Threshold. Crossing over into Adulthood is a big step, it means taking responsibility for everything from here on in. If you choose to use Drugs or Alcohol be aware that for each action there is a reaction, whether Behavioural Psychological or Health and they all have Consequences.

 

I started smoking Cigarettes at fourteen fifty years later COPD, Emphysema, Marijuana at fourteen, Inertia all through High School, it distracted me from Shakespeare and put me in Edgar Allan Poe’s World, Beer at fourteen Alcoholic at nineteen. Worst of all I was a sneak, living under a Christian Woman’s Roof. Luckily I was able to overcome all but the Cigarettes by twenty one, yeah but at what Price wanting to prove to myself that I was a Man I blew the learning years. By the time that I realized the Importance of a College Education the Window of opportunity was closed. Luckily I broke away from my influences before twenty one, I could have been a Bum for the rest of my Life. In Life your associations picks you up or drag you down, choose them wisely. Don’t be a Sheep in the Herd, be the Shepard.

 

Peer Pressure is worse than any Addiction it makes you do things that you ordinarily wouldn’t  have even thought of on your own, don’t fall for the Trap, if you love me or if you want to be with me. In High School we had a saying ” instead of pulling themselves out of the Hole they are in a Junkie will pull you in”, part of making the Transition into Adulthood is being your own Person ( Individuality) then there is Responsibility. To me Responsibility is the hardest part about Being an Adult, being an Adult means that now you have to fend for yourself( provide, care and protect yourself) that is why you should not be in a hurry to agitate your Parents with bad behavior, while they are putting a Roof over your head and food in your Stomach, they have your best interest at Heart.

 

Ask anyone in College who are working their way through School. Fending for yourself without a Proper Education is scrounging Bottom. Don’t be in such a hurry to be Kicked out on your own. Most Parents will support their kids late into their twenties and some Beyond. I once lived next door to a fifty years old Man who lived off his seventy five years old Mother. He lost his Driving Privileges through DUI. Not being able to Drive himself to Work made him a Dependent, he wasn’t even ambitious enough to take any job within walking distance. Being a Dependent all your Life is choosing not to cross the Threshold. Remember the word Responsibility.

 

The awkward years are difficult for anyone, remember childhood isn’t far behind and the challenges of Adulthood is right in front of you, take time relishing your youth, while making Bold smart steps into Adulthood. As soon as you look around the years are gone and you are now your Parents Reflection, a Parent yourself with the Headaches of raising a Child who knows everything, I was that Child. At fourteen I knew everything including how to get stoned on weed, who did it hurt but me, who suffered from Inertia, me, what did I gained, nothing, what did I loose everything, the chance of being a Scholar and an Author.

 

Instead I did what I had to do to make a Living to support the Family I could not wait to have, Finding out fifty years later that I like sharing my Thoughts and a Vivid Imagination is an essential for Writing. To be eighteen again I wouldn’t have  blown precious youth in hurrying to grow old. I would have taken  time to smell the Roses before I became addicted to Coffee and Nicotine. At the end of writing this Blog I just Learned that Teens Smoking went up 80% . If Jumping off the San Francisco Bridge was Trending, would you be there. Vaping is Trending please don’t Jump, its just as bad as Nicotine or worse, it gives you Popcorn Lunges. Chart your Course follow your chosen Path because the Axis of Life fades like Footprints in the Sand. Making the right choices dictates the rest of your Life, Eighteen is your fork in the Road choose wisely.

 

 

Insights from Alice Cooper

 

Lines form on my face and hands

Lines form from the ups and downs

I’m in the middle without any plans

I’m a boy and I’m a man

I’m eighteen

And I don’t know what I want

Eighteen

I just don’t know what I want

Eighteen

I gotta get away

I gotta get out of this place

I’ll go runnin’ in outer space

Oh yeah

I got a

Baby’s brain and an old man’s heart

Took eighteen years to get this far

Don’t always know what I’m talkin’ about

Feels like I’m livin’ in the middle of doubt

‘Cause I’m

Eighteen

I get confused every day

Eighteen

I just don’t know what to say

Eighteen

I gotta get away

Lines form on my face and my hands

Lines form on the left and right

I’m in the middle

The middle of life

I’m a boy and I’m a man

I’m eighteen and I like it

Yes I like it

Oh I like it

Love it

Like it

Love it

Eighteen!

Eighteen!

Eighteen!

Eighteen and I like it


Songwriters: Alice Cooper / Dennis Dunaway