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Parenting And Relationships

Responsibility

Responsibility



When I was a teenager I thought that growing up meant being free of my mother’s constant nagging about the person she wanted me to be. A proud Man with values that others would admire. Having respect for my fellow man, not hurting anyone directly or indirectly, not stealing or cheating, to be precise do unto others as you would have them do to you. All through those turbulent teen years it never occurred to me that what Mother was doing was preparing me for the life ahead of me. She was teaching responsibility to an oblivious teen who could not wait to be an adult and do all the bad things that adults do, like too many sex partners, excessive use of alcohol and drugs. It never occurred to me that they were wasting their lives and killing themselves. I once worked with a twenty one years old man who had heart murmur  from the amount of coke that he ingested from seventeen to twenty one. Can you imagine a young man with the heart of an old man. I also met a Man who didn’t know the names of all his children, he had so many with different Women. Yet another man who drank anything other than milk or water and his stomach would bleed, from all the alcohol he drank .




All this boiled down to responsibility, something that too many adults lack. Immature and irresponsible they know how to scratch the itch but nothing about parenting, I would need a calculator to tabulate the amount of men that I have met in their forties and fifties with the mentality of a fifteen year old. Looking back I thank mom for all the nagging. Of all the misfits that I have been unfortunate to have met in my life, I must say mother did her Job raising two Boys by herself with great success. Neither one of us possess a compulsive obsessive disorder, both good husbands and  fathers, world class citizens who respect all of God’s Creatures.
Parenting comes easy for me, lead by example and pass on values through the way you live your life, it can’t be taught. Trying to teach values and living your life in a gregarious manner is contradicting.



The other day I noticed a young man with two young boys heading to the Beach, in one Hand he had a twelve pack of beer in the other was an opened can that he was sipping from. The message he was sending, public drunkenness was against the law but cool anyway, how contradictory. It’s the same when you invite a bunch of friends over, everybody gets shit-faced and trash talk when the kids are within earshot. That’s  irresponsibility , kids are like sponges they absorb their Environment. Once I was sitting at the kitchen table with my friend’s wife having a conversation when her eight years old son could not get her attention he vehemently declared mommy you are a Bitch , instead of slapping his face and giving credibility to his vulgarity, she asked him why he called her that. He staunchly replied Daddy said that you are.

 

 

It appeared that he and his dad had a conversation about something that his mother told him he couldn’t have and his response was, don’t mind her she is a Bitch. On another occasion we were in his Basement doing some work, the Door leading upstairs was slightly ajar. His eighth years and his six years was locked in a fierce Verbal confrontation, calling each other every vulgar names under the Sun. I thought to myself these kinds weren’t being Raised up they were being dragged up by irresponsible people who were clueless that their children were living their parents lives mimicking the way they interacted with each other. Six years later the girl was sitting in the Driver’s seat of his Truck, he had his Hand between the Door Frame and the Door. After years of watching her Mother being abused she slammed the Door shut on his Hand, he had unwittingly corrupted his daughter. As I have said over and again, anyone can make Babies, but we all don’t possess the level of responsibility to be good Parents.

 

 

Life, Parenting And Relationships

Aberations

Minions

When we are Born if we are not among the unfortunate ones who are Born with defects, we are blessed with a perfect Template to design our Lives, a plain white sheet of paper to write our life story. If there is such a thing as a Godlike creature a New Born is the perfect example. What is written on that Paper and what is filled into the Template is what we absorb during the developmental stages. That describes who and what we are and to become for the rest of our lives. Fallacies can develop as early as six months old, a Child who cries for his Mother’s attention not because he is hungry wet or is in any kind of distress, only because he enjoys the comfort of her cradling arms is a manipulative controlling person in the Make.

If you fail to recognize the game and take control early when they get to one year old, sitting in their High Chair and throw their Spoon on the Floor for the twentieth time and you picked it up each time you are fostering to the manipulating person in the Make. Continued to six years old and you say no to an outrageous request and they hit you with ” you don’t love me” then you flip your decision and give in, the battle is lost and the war is on. And now you have me at fourteen smoking Weed with my twelve years old Catholic School Buddy, thinking that I could Rule my single Mom. My Mother was no pushover, she laid out choices such as the comfort of my own Bedroom or a Cot in a Juvenile Detention Center. If a Parent don’t take control early then the manipulating and controlling person has taken shape on the Template, for the rest of their lives.

What is written on that plain white sheet of paper depicts who we are and who we becomes. As a Twig is bent so shall it grows. My Mother was a God fearing Christian Woman she Nurtured this Twig with Milk and Honey, yet at nine years old I stole from the Church collection in the Rectory, the Neighborhood Grocery Stores and the Neighborhood Dealer. I was Born with my own personal Minion called Me. I had no reasons to be bad, there were no lack of guidance or parenting skills, my Mother help raised her twelve siblings and her siblings children, she could have written a Book on Parenting, so where did she go wrong with me. She didn’t, if anyone blamed her for my transgressions, then who do you blame  for Eve’s transgressions, Her Minion was the Serpent,Cain’s Minion was Jealousy.

And so the Concept of good and evil is laid to rest, how we deal with our Minions define who we are. The way that people turns out to be Monsters doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with environment or upbringing. People will always be who they are, the Minions only gives them the push. By God accepting Able’s gift the Murderous Tendency in Cain was brought to the surface by his own Minions. The reason for all this Theological thinking was brought upon me from trying figure the Root Cause for Domestic Violence and Child Abuse. At first all the old cliche’s were dominant in my mind, the abused becomes the abuser, as a Twig is bent and all the other made up alibies. Then I reflected to my twelve years old friend and myself being Deviants with the best of upbringing and I realized that it is neither of the above that produces Horrible people who would take out all their aggressive tendencies on the ones who loved them.

The despicable act of Domestic Violence have weighed heavily on me from the early developmental age of twelve, Mister Henrique was my next door Neighbor he would get off work every Day and stop at the Bar and feed his Minions with Alcohol. He came Home just about every Day and beat his Wife in the yard in front of me and the other Neighborhors. That ongoing Horror Movie Psyched me out to the point where if I had a Gun, I would have shot him to put that poor Woman out of her miseries. Growing up with a single Mom gave me empathy for a fifteen years old Boy I met later on in Life who stabbed his abusive Stepfather over twenty times in Brooklyn N.Y. Then there were my Childhood friends who Married each other, the Boy had been studying Martial Arts for years he was a Black Belt, his Hands were Licensed legal Weapons.

If a person on the Street picked a fight with him all he could do was to cover himself, if he hit them he would go to Jail. His Wife was filled with rage, with an uncontrollable temper,  since we were Kids we called her Maddie. They had one Child together, I think that the beatings started when the Child was only months old in it’s Crib witnessing his Mother beating his Father with whatever she could put her hands on, she knew that he could not strike back. The beatings were constantly visible on his black and blue skin. He was part of a tight knit group we would have Jam sessions where we played instruments and sang at our frequent gatherings. Every Male in the Group including her own Brother advised him to kick her Ass and teach her a Lesson. Other than the fact that his Hands were Licensed Weapons, this Man was Godlier than all of us. He never laid a Hand on her, last time I saw them the Child was five years old watching his father’s Manhood being robbed of him. What an Education this Kid was getting. I can only pray to God that I am right that we are only who we choose to be and not a product of our Environment, otherwise this Child is a Monster in the Make, he will have a deep rooted hatred for Women, he Will beat every Woman in his Relationships exacting revenge for his Father, Sex to him will be same as a Rapist, strictly punishment. I do hope that the Lord looks out for this Baby.

P.S. October is Domestic Violence awareness Month.

Safe Driving

Ants

Tradition

Not because you have been doing it the same way forever don’t mean that it is not incredibly stupid, which is equivalent to doing things the same way each time looking for different results. Nothing exemplifies these saying more than Driving, since the introduction of the Automobile the first 1000 Drivers drove the same way we drive today. Pay attention to an army of Ants, too and from the Colony they travel in a tight formation not even one Ant-length apart. When I observe Rush Hour traffic this is what I see, if someone sneeze there is a pileup and I am late to work because I didn’t leave a half hour earlier. Well my Friend don’t feel bad about not leaving early because not only do we travel like Ants, but we think alike with the same mindset about leaving early and spacing ourselves, thus having a safe and pleasant Commute.

Remember that you are Traditionally looking for different results for twenty years of traveling the same Route with the same Commuters with the same mindset, it’s not going to happen. Until you change your Driving habits and your poor calculation of Estimated Time of Arrival, not taking into consideration Murphy’s Law, compounded with the way you and your fellow operators use the Roadways like mad Ants completing your last Lap at Poccono 500 Raceway. I have been Driving for over forty years each year statics climb, as the saying goes if it’s not broken don’t fix it, trust me it needs fixing.

The average Driving Instructor teaches fundamentals such as spacing, ten MPH one car length, the average Driver gets his License and from Day one with minimal Driving skills he is glued to the Bumper of my 35 thousand Dollars Plastic Styrofoam and inexpensive Metals, manufactured car, with a ten thousand Dollars interest loan, tacked on to two thousand Dollars in Auto Insurance yearly. In 1988 I had a brand new inexpensively made car, someone backed up into it and caused 3000 Dollars worth of repairs. Imagine having an accident at 65 MPH with that same car which is very popular today. Why should I not be Antsy about your Asinine Bonehead approach to Driving thinking that you are much more skilled than you really are. Between Driving commercially and Road trips cross country I have racked up millions of anxiety free miles, because I always spaced myself to compensate for your errors. What irks me the most about commuters is, If I space myself two car lengths there is always some idiot to put his car in the gap. Three times in my Life I safely navigated my way through hundred Car wrecks, three things contributed to these Wrecks, Road conditions average to poor Driving skills and the way you drive like Ants marching.

Great Driving skills such as being able to evaluate imminent Hazards and putting counter measures in place before they happen prevents pileups, having a superior engineered vehicle like a Suburu or a Volvo dose’nt hurt. Once traveling interstate 81 from York to Scranton it started to Snow, then it turned to icy Rain back to Snow, then nothing. I didn’t like what I saw in the way others were Driving like Ants marching on a road surface that was unpredictable, I backed off the pace by about fifty car lengths, when you do things like that inexperienced incompetent Drivers can’t read the play, so they pass and blow you off on their way to join the developing catastrophe up ahead, as the saying goes Fools rush in. As I settled back in my comfortably spaced traveling distance the Ants up ahead of me found a stretch of road covered with Ice, they were going too fast and they sat on each other’s bumper like Ants marching. They littered the Median and Ditches, on an Ice covered roadway you never want to apply your brakes. I felt like the Tortoise passing the Hare, I didn’t even think about stopping, that was a dangerous place to be in with other Ants behind me in a hurry to join the others in the Ditch. Remember Tradition can be incredibly stupid. As they say old habits die hard.

Life

Blogging The Book/ excerpts1

1990 I moved from the tranquility of the Poccono Mountains to a small Town in Nothern Pennsylvania called Wilkes Barre. In 1990 I would be amazed if the Population was one Million, yet the Crime Rate was just as startling as the Bronx. It was here that I met a young Man named Vincent Barberio, we met while working for the same Company and became great Friends. One Day Vince approached me and told me that If I didn’t mind working hard and traveling he knew of a contractor that was hiring at a better rate of pay than we were making. The only drawback was the Travel, the Jobs were spread out from North Carolina to Buffalo, from New York to Ohio.

We would pack a Duffle Bag and a cooler, left Monday and returned on Friday, the Company paid for the Hotel so that absorbed a lot of the cost. Vince and I always Roomed together, there were a lot of Rift Raft in the Crew so we watched each other’s back. After work we would return to our Hotel Room eat chill out watch TV and share stories about our Lives. We became good friends to the point where we introduced each other to our family, of all the People that I worked with in my Lifetime, Vince was one of the privileged few to got an invitation to my Home. The reason for that is you don’t go into business with Family and you don’t socialize with all your Coworkers, you should always be selective with Coworkers, they are not always trustworthy with your business and they spread gossip.

Not so with Vince and I, whatever secrets we shared stay that way. When I started writing Blogs one of my first Blogs were about Vince under a fictitious name. Today I can write about my Friend Vinny because while doing research I found out that he Died in 2016 seventeen years after I last seen him sitting at the Table in my kitchen. What preceded and followed our last meeting is noteworthy, because this also was a Tragic encounter. The Day after our last meeting Vincent Barberio was on Television, the Cops had surrounded his position and there was no way out.

Vince had lost it and taken his Girlfriend and his Baby Boy hostage I am not sure if he had threatened to kill them and himself or just himself. The situation was tense for hours, I was frazzled with stress that the Cops would act rashly and a Sharpshooter would have taken him out. Thank God there were no shooting, he allowed them to get close to him and was Tazed or pepper sprayed and hauled off to be Psycho analyzed and probably spend years in a Nuthouse. The events that preceded this Tragic encounter  were told to me by Vince for months while we shared Hotel Rooms while working in the contracting business. Sometimes he was repetitive but that’s what happens when things eats at you since you were a Child.

So here it is from Vincent’s mouth to my ears to yours. At an early age maybe nine he was Molested by an Uncle like myself he never told his Parents, the molester probably threatened him or laid a guilt trip on him. For a moment’s pleasure the Molester not only robbed my friend of his youthful innocenc but his entire Life. Shortly after the abuse Vince changed for the worse, as most Molested Children do. Being Molested didn’t have any effect on me because I extracted my own Justice. Poor Vince was a skinny nine year old, he was Traumatized, kept the secret to himself for twelve years until he bared his Soul to me.

Can you imagine the weight off his shoulders. Why wouldn’t he consider me a great friend knowing that I wouldn’t tell not another living Soul. The real tragedy occurred during those twelve years before he laid his burden on my receptive Shoulders. Shortly after the Molestation his personality took a hundred and eighty degrees turn, School, behavior and everything else in his young life went for a nosedive, speaking of Dives I believe he was twelve not knowing how to deal with the Guilt Repression he tried to commit suicide by jumping off the Market Street Bridge and found the only Rock waiting there for him.

Grateful Dead/forever

He survived that Rock and picked up a new one(Cocaine)  that one got him in trouble with the Law up to the Hostage situation. Can you believe  the Mayhem that Cocaine have done to our Societies since Hernan Cortez whacked out on Cocaine and wiped out an entire Civilization of Brilliant People to the Massacres on the Streets of Brooklyn five hundred years later, are we ever going to learn that the Plant is only ment for Medicinal use. Well my Friend Vinny never learned. While doing research on him I found out that in the year 2016 he Died unexpectedly at thirty nine years old. From past experiences when a user Dies unexpectedly it is usually from current use or years of abuse finally catching up to you. Rest well my Friend you are not Tormented anymore, and so another Tragic Encounter closed.

P.S. I will never forget you my Brother

 

 

incent Barberio Jr. Obituary

Vincent Barberio Jr. passed away unexpectedly in Baltimore, Md., on Thursday, Sept. 15, 2016.

He was born Aug. 7, 1967, to the late Vincent and Marlene Barberio.

Vincent moved to Baltimore, Md., in 2006, and had resided there the last 10 years. He was employed by Jimmy Trujillo’s Game Sports Bar in Baltimore, Md. There he worked in the shadow of the Ravens Stadium and Camden Yards, catering to customers’ needs, where he was known and liked by all.

The family is forever grateful to the Trujillo family for giving Vincent opportunity and friendship. He was blessed to be able to work for such thoughtful people and kind coworkers. Their generosity, sincerity, and caring will not be soon forgotten. We thank them for reaching out to Vincent and our family.

Vincent attended GAR Memorial High School, where he was a gifted athlete.

He was an acolyte with his brothers, Victor and John, for many years, serving Holy Rosary Church on Park Avenue.

Vincent is survived by his children, Sean Cupil, Plymouth; and Corianna Cupil, Edwardsville; sisters, Darlene (David) Payne, Dallas; and Susan (Matt) Crowl, Dallas; brothers, John (Wendy) Barberio, Dallas; and twin brother, Victor Barberio, Wilkes-Barre; as well as several aunts, uncles and cousins.

We will all cherish the good memories of Vincent. We all know he is at peace, for his toil and strife with addiction is over. He will be in our hearts forever.

Private funeral services will be held at the convenience of the family.

Local arrangements are under the direction of Richard H. Disque Funeral Home, 2940 Memorial Highway, Dallas.

Published in Citizens’ Voice on Sept. 24, 2016

Blogging the Book is constantly adding

More Tragic Encounters you need to check regularly

Coming soon my friend Ed Byrne became a Cop seven months later Thugs shoots him in the Head five times.