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Substance abuse

A Junkie’s Poem

As the saying goes Fool me once is never enough, over the years observing the Monkey on my back. makes me wonder how many times must I be fooled to get the message, this isn’t Kansas and haven’t been for a long time. The Monkey picks you up and lay you down over and again but he is still your friend.

Mother always told us be careful who you choose for friends because if you walk in filth you will stink. Can’t you tell everyone around is backing away, they treat you like a vagrant and all, you are an outcast from Society, your family and friends, but you still hang tight with your monkey for a friend. You are in and out of the System, it’s now your permanent address even though your dual Residence is the Streets.

I look in the Mirror I see a face but who is it, certainly not the me of fifteen, a smart ambitious kid who wanted to be a pharmacist not the Junkie at the other end of a needle or a stem, not the Geek with a mouthful of Oxi, it’s early afternoon and I’ve lost count. I can hear Billy echoing Eyes without a face, while Janis wails about her Ball and Chain. Who is that man in the mirror, I look further and deeper and all I see is a skull, the skull has been my moniker science hearing of Casey Jones.

Not realizing how wasted I am and will not find my way home until I ask for help. Sitting in a Room of despair striking the fire one more time

trying to get back to the elusive initial high that is never going to come, because that is just the way Crack is, she is a Temptress that will never satisfy the crave. Deep down the shell of the old me the kid that was good with Math that yearns for his old self, I am lost in a fog of Meth vapors and can’t count the step backwards to where it all began.

A Fool is too proud to ask for help while a wise Man knows to come in from the Rain. My life is one big storm taking me further from reality, while the monkey is taking me to the Cliff.

When I am broke I feel it’s wrath shaking me to find a fix even though what I do for my friend I wouldn’t do for myself. When I hear the Steel Doors slam I now realize that I am lost because here at Home there is no friend only rejection from my Monkey who I left in a cold dark Alley.

P.S. The Lord help those that help themselves

Life

Humility-2

10/19/201810/19/2018 Anthony Dixon

Humility

I have met two Men in my life that were of enormous wealth, their wealth was not what impressed me the most about them. What impressed me the most was their Humility. John Gutfreund was one, I will forever be talking about John because all the Money he made and all the notoriety it never changed him in the least. When I worked for Mr G as we called him among ourselves, he was CEO at Salomon Brothers Inc a Brokerage House on Wall Street. He was well respected among other CEO’s and Brokerage Houses on the Street. Many Movies about Wall St was spawned from His trading style. What impressed me the most about the Man was the way he interacted with people. His staff was approximately three thousand people, traveling the fifty Stories Building of One New York Plaza, if he knew that you worked for the Company in whatever capacity, you were in an Elevator with him, he would address you in a cordial friendly manner.

Not so with some people who made less than 1% of of what he made yearly, in the same situation in an Elevator they treat you like the Elevator, inanimate. I figured that John had to be that way all his Life meek, humble and poised, because people rarely change for the good. Remember that the meek shall inherit the 🌎 Earth. Meaning, Humility rules, why does Humility rule? While working on Wall Street a Billionaire Buisness Community there were many Indigent People who slept in the Alleyways of the Neighborhood they once traveled in Limousines, they dressed fine, they themselves threw Pennies at Beggars not ever dreaming that the Table could ever turned in such an upside down Economy as in the late 70’s.

When I worked for Salomon I came to work in a Limousine and went home in one, I never lost sight of the Bum sleeping it off in the middle on of the Day on a Sidewalk in the richest Neighborhood in the World. Knowing that he once tipped Hundred Dollar Bills, so who am I to look down on him while John treated me the way he expected me to treat others, not knowing if and when I also should fall from Grace. The first time I heard of Jesus washing his Disciples Feet, my life was changed for every. From that day on I learned the meaning of Humility. Even though for a great portion of my life I lived it in a wayward manner, I never lost sight of the big Picture knowing that even if I developed the cure for Cancer I would still be no more than a Grain of Sand on the Beach of Life.

1988 Salomon Rented several floors in the upper 70’s of the world Trade Buildings. At that time being an employee in good standings, to be precise a model Employee. I didn’t go to John looking for special treatment, I went through the chain of command, I submitted my request to be transferred to the World Trade Center Branch of the Company. My request was flatly turned down with no explanation. I tendered My resignation cashed out My Portfolio and moved to Pennsylvania. My Mother noticed me mopping around and inquired why I was down and out. I explained my situation to her, with the wisdom of Salomon she said don’t stress it,

God has a plan for you. It was those words that kept me from passing out watching my coworkers and friends perished while the Buildings Collapsed to the Ground. Salomon lost 900 People I was supposed to be 901, but God had it charted differently in the Book of Destiny. I have since stop asking myself what is his plan for me, realizing that it is as simple as doing unto my Neighbors as I expected of them. When I worked in a Nursing Home in Pennsylvania I got a close look at my Mortality, I met Moguls, Artists and Performers of yesteryears who were reduced to the mercy of their Caregivers. Some were neglected and some were abused, sometimes by their own families. One Resident named Salt, which describes her personality, nothing like John, her personality was Venomous as she had been all her life.

The 59 millions she made off the Backs of her underpaid and abused Staff was not enough to command care and sensitivity from the Staff at the Nursing Home which she abused daily with poisonous diatribe like calling each and everyone of us, from the Director to the Cooks, Sons of Bitches of Bastards. You don’t learn those words at 85 ravaged with Dementia, they are the Column Post of your Personality. Karma the Backbone of Justice paid her back handsomely, to the end her loving family deserted her counting the Days they could start spending her Money. That is why I am telling you who are out there on your way to becoming Successful and Famous” teach your children well” do not create selfish self centered People who don’t give a Rat’s Ass about the Community of Man, because that Toxic personality they also inherit and passes on to their Children.

Anyway what I truly learned at the Nursing Home is that one Day I am going to end up there at the mercy of Heartless Caregivers who is only here for the menial wages, got no Humanity got no Humility got no Love, what is to become of me? if my Personality isn’t covered in Honey, my Fate will be that of Salt’s. I have always been Humble since meeting John Gutfreund, I know that if he reads this Blog he would be proud of me telling it as I see it. For me to say that Life is unloving, un-giving, untimely and unpredictable would be the greatest understatement one could utter. my best advice to you is “Live, Love, Laugh”, do not take yourself too seriously because today you are riding on a Cloud, Tomorrow, who knows.

Idiots Behind The Wheel

10/17/2018 Anthony Dixon

Idiots Behind The Wheel

My impression of Life is that one should learn and grow with each new Day, learning something from the previous Day. So why dose’nt everyone share this mindset, especially when it comes to Driving. Sometimes I might come across as being mean spirited but I am not, it’s just that when it comes to Driving People Brings out the worst in me. During my weekly commute of 250 miles Driving two cars in rotation, combined cost of the cars $70,000, there is always some idiot who think they know how to Drive trying to alter the perfect condition of my vehicles, they are either tailgating, misjudging distance or any of a million stupid things an inept or callous Driver does on a daily basis for twenty five years of traveling the same Route every Day.

Jedi 1

One of my cars which is still factory fresh 45,000 miles and three and a half years later has survived so many Death wish Drivers, Bicyclists and Pedestrians crossing a 55Mph Speedway so many times I call my Buick Verano Jedi 1. Keeping a car brand new after three years is of no effort for me having the best Driving instructor in the world who told me to drive like I am the only one out there that knows what I am doing. I started driving Heaps at seventeen while teaching myself automotive repairs by going to the Junkyard. I learned Automotive maintenance by going to the Junkyard, stripping Cars there then going home and rebuilding my $500 Heaps, so keeping a three year old car new is child’s play for me. The difficulty comes when it leaves the driveway on a 35 MPH strip of Road called Embassy Blvd.

Every Idiot that uses this Road does not obey the speed limit some do 60-65 this is a working class community, yet you never see any kids playing on their front Lawn. The kids know that cars do jump Curbs at high speeds. I have never known a Boulevard that idiots didn’t lose their rationality, six months ago a young mother pushing a Stroller cross one was killed along with her infant child. The two idiots racing are being charged with vehicular Homicide, if they were given twenty years it still wouldn’t be enough for their mindless act. Three years ago a careless Mother crossing Missouri Ave which is also a Boulevard, crossing against the light six months old in a Stroller and three years old by the hand.

They were all mowed down by a careless motorists killing the infant, Mother and child physically impaired for Life, no tire marks were found at the accident scene, the Driver wasn’t changed. If I was involved in an accident like that I would voluntarily surrounded my license. It appears to me that mindless Jackasses are also without conscience. A Family member of mine have always drove expensive cars like BMW’s he crashed so many I lost count of the catastrophes, the last was the worst, broke his neck in two places broken Pelvic and numerous other fractures, the car had to be dismantled to extricate him. This has been a long time coming, always driving like his name was Dale.

Something that I find strange, he never mentioned the other vehicles and Drivers involved in the accident and whose fault it was. All I could hear was my English Literature Teacher’s voice what is the Author not saying. Well I will tell you what I am saying about these Mindless Jackasses who gets behind the wheel and think they are Racecar Drivers, you suck, take a good look at yourself in the Mirror, you can’t even have sex and chew Gum at the same time without missing a stroke, yet you are Texting while you perform a task that requires total focusing on the Road looking out for other idiots like yourself. Who do you think you are Multitasking when you can’t even cut an onion without cutting off a finger.

As Mr T would say wakeup Fool. You are right I am an angry Bird, I have been Driving for over fifty years with two accidents that were caused by idiots behind the wheel, yes I am carrying a 45 year grudge, the Driver of a Jaguar had to prove to me that he was an idiot crossing five Lanes of Ice Slicked Roadway, cutting me off then taking his foot off the gas. That mindless act thought me that sometimes you have to rear end a Rolls Royce to save your Life and other Drivers. With the touch of a feather I veered to my left to avoid a rear end, my car went out of control on the ice slicked surface, spun around numerous times sideswipe five vehicles, slammed into the Guardrail ripping up twenty five yards of it, crashed through into the opposing traffic and getting nailed at sixty five MPH.

Why wouldn’t I be writing about safe Driving and Idiots behind the wheel. For over fifty years of Driving some Commercially I have been watching your mindless approach to Driving anticipating that one day you are going to advance to my skill level and I see that it is never going to happen, because most people do not learn on a day to day basis. So in conclusion let me reverberate Paul McCarthy, yesterday don’t matter anyway, so good bye Ruby Tuesday, because today I heard the News about a man who blew his Mind out in a Car. When you are out there acting up and acting stupid remember 55 stay alive.

PS not because I make lite of a serious matter don’t mean that I am not Dead serious.